Math Velazquez/Rumor Registry
Math Velazquez has 2 Rumors written about so far.
Velazquez's origin, like so much relating to the Houston Spies, is ultimately a mystery. The prevailing hypotheses hold that Velazquez is a metaphysical construct created by a secret, forbidden sect of mathematicians for some unknown purpose, a normal human forced into this present form after a disastrous attempt to divide by zero, or the universe attempting to experience itself.
Some Spies fans have postulated that Velazquez began playing Blaseball since Velazquez's previous outreach effort to convince the general public to appreciate the mathematical discipline, coolmathgames.com, was removed from the Internet—or possibly since Blaseball's geometric fields, many statistics, and parabolic curves appeal to Velazquez's sensibilities. Velazquez has also been observed trying to convince everyone's son, Son Scotch, to enter a stable and profitable career in mathematics.
Conjecture as to the original Velazquez's true motives is necessary since, according to intel from an indeterminate inside source, no one on the Houston Spies was good enough at math to decipher what Velazquez wants to say. Unfortunately, this meant that in order to communicate, Velazquez usually had to individually graph each word that they want to say on a TI-84 calculator, a process that was laborious at best.
This linguistic  barrier is likely the reason why the Spies have always had a problem with optimizing their team lineup; after asking Velazquez about the subject in hopes of finding a mathematically perfect optimization, the output was so confusing that players were rumored to resort to measures such as charades and the 'hot and cold' game to find a lineup they could actually use. The Spies eventually decided to put Velazquez's talents at obfuscation to use, assigning Velazquez to run the Hungarian numbers station that serves as the team's official form of communication.
After spending several seasons learning Blojban, reading computer assembly code, and acquiring a custom keyboard with a button layout identical to that of the TI-84, Velazquez began to use the increased memory and automation capabilities of computers to communicate more efficiently. Velazquez's missives remained brief and cryptic, but became significantly more readable, and some of them were even in a language the Spies could comprehend.
During early seasons of Blaseball, Math Velazquez consulted with several eminent mathematicians in the hopes of developing an experimental algorithm which would allow Velazquez to become the first Blaseball player with a negative star rating. It was unknown how Velazquez intended to achieve this, why Velazquez considered this outcome desirable, and what impact it would have on Blaseball as a whole.
Velazquez published academic papers theorising that achieving negative values could be a first step towards opening Blaseball up to ever more esoteric mathematics—vectors, infinite series, and perhaps even beyond that into complex numbers, tensors, higher dimensions, and more. It remains unknown why Velazquez considered this outcome desirable, and opposing scholars warned that success in this project could critically destabilise Blaseball. This was because Velazquez appears as patterns in everything, and is therefore, for all practical purposes, omnipresent. Though "Math is Math," as both mathematicians and Houston Spies fans are wont to chant, swapping one variant for another could potentially have had far-reaching, undetectable consequences we cannot begin to fathom.
Velazquez was often credited with being the reason for the Spies' often unpredictable performance, as Velazquez was a wild and experimental pitcher. Velazquez's pitches often involved complex algorithms unfathomable to other players, resulting in as many thrown balls as strikes and hits. One theory proposes that Velazquez's attempts to reach a negative star value was also an attempt to research new and bizarre pitching forms, though this rumor has been staunchly denied by the Houston Spies.
Prior to Season 4, Velazquez was spotted spending a lot of time with Spies colleague Fitzgerald Blackburn. When pressed, Velazquez said that Blackburn is a doctor in all the ways that count, xe was helping Math achieve a negative star rating and any relationship between the two is nobody's business.
According to heavily redacted documents left by Velazquez before the departure, both Fitzgerald Blackburn and then-Spy Collins Melon aided in an experiment intended to help Velazquez become the first player in ILB history to boast a negative star rating. How Velazquez achieved the swap is a mystery, but the experiment swapped both Velazquez and Melon for beings who were, to all appearances, the exact same as their previous selves but with new skills.
After the decree finalizing the Alternation was ratified at the end of Season 4, Spies fans were shocked and dismayed to discover that Velazquez had been replaced. Neither Velazquez nor the Houston Spies organization have ever made an official statement regarding what precisely happened when making the dimension swap with Old Math, but an anonymous investigative journalist for The Blaseball Chimes released a short—albeit dramatised—article, the first of its kind that the Spies had ever allowed to be published:
Math had stated that they had been feeling strange throughout the fourth season. Most of The Spies chalked this up to their overall wins declining; an imbalance in the numbers, some had said. But something wasn't adding up. Math had pitched against the odds in the past, but this season, it was like the percentages had been flipped on their heads. Math pushed Mathself in every game despite Math's clear discomfort. Math was spending more time with Son playing catch, and even gifted Son Math's gold-plated protractor; the same one Math had used the past 3+ seasons to predict opposing hits and calculate Math's own precise, baffling pitches. Blackburn was given Math's TI-84, the most expensive piece of computing technology Math could think of. Melon was pulled aside and spoken to, but as of yet has not commented on what Math told them. Donia Bailey was given a hug, the first she claims she's ever received.
After the Spies were put into party time, Math was nowhere to be found except during games. While festivities were held, Math was alone. Surprisingly, new Spies member Morrow was the first to comment that "something wasn't adding up" with Math, but was generally shot down with phrases from the team such as, "Math is Math," and "The numbers don't lie."
Then the postseason came, and the Tigers won the fourth season, and Math had reportedly been heard saying "I just wish the Talkers had accounted for the wind in the 11th." Math's vibes were stable, but the numbers on Math's face were looking more and more imaginary. Until finally, as all the ILB teams gathered to view the blessing and decree results, Math refused to join them. Instead, Math simply said the words, "I'll see you all again. You can count on it." The Spies all knew what was coming, and instead of viewing the results, stayed and sat with Math for Math's final hour. It all happened very quickly, according to eyewitness reports. There was a loud crunching sound, followed by a low hum and pop—and where Math stood, no two reports are the same on what took place.
Outside of one detail.
When New Math appeared, in Math's pitching hand, everyone claims to have seen a faint glimmer.
The glimmer of a star—a star that nobody even knew was there.
"Math was always a variable—but Math's love for the Spies was, and always will be, a constant."
Rumors that Velazquez was specifically targeted for a performance-enhancement Alternation by the ILB to prevent Velazquez from reaching a negative star rating have no supporting evidence and can be safely dismissed.After the Alternation, Math became rather different.
Alternate Reality/"New Math" Velazquez
When the original Velazquez left with the Alternation, a 𝜈 Math took Velazquez's place; and after the ILB's mandatory ratings committee meeting, Velazquez was granted an improvement in stars in every area. The rest of the Houston Spies were, by their reports, crushed by this news, lamenting the dreams of the Velazquez they once knew. New Math's pitches, though faster, became uncharacteristically predictable. But when New Math used a metre stick, or twirled oversized pens, or performed investigations with The Spies' iconic bat-sized magnifying glasses, they were handled with "near unimaginable" grace. Velazquez had become a 4-star batter, and trained every day to become stronger. When asked about the change, New Math typed, "Let's just say I picked up a few stars from a passing friend," with what could be vaguely described as a wink. One popular rumor suggests that Velazquez's alternate took a star from the original Velazquez as part of the swap, letting the original Velazquez attain the desired negative star rating as a sacrifice.
Velazquez appeared to maintain both continuity of identity and of memory despite the Alternation, defying the observed effects of every other Alternation that has ever been seen. Blaseball theorists have concluded that Velazquez, being Math, exists as a singular continuous entity through all parallel universes operating off of mathematical laws, leading some fans as well as players such as Fitzgerald Blackburn to conclude that "Math is Math."
Velazquez, in a post-game interview on Day 7 of Season 4, wrote "My new dream? Reaching a new decade. The big 1-0. Double digits," and then soulscreamed into the reporter's microphone.
This Velazquez lacks their predecessor's deep knowledge of the deepest physics and metaphysics of the immaterial plane, and is often found struggling to reverse-engineer the enormous, unlabeled spreadsheets left by the previous Velazquez. When asked what these meant, Velazquez bolted from the room. The spreadsheet that was still visible had a filename in Hungarian that translated to “Forbidden Knowledge”.
However, this Velazquez is far more skilled at cryptography and the cracking thereof. It is likely that this is not actually because Velazquez knows more about cryptography, but because Velazquez is now more capable of understanding natural language. Velazquez has invented ciphers that the others can use; the Spies have been observed spending time matching the playing card decks in their standard-issue survival kits.
This version of Velazquez is also much more capable of computer programming that other people can use; similarly, this is unlikely to be because of any more raw skill, but because Velazquez no longer writes in bare-metal assembly code and now names the variables something useful.
This iteration of Velazquez has significantly more fluency in human communication, and has spent time studying the intricacies of spoken, signed, and written languages, as well as becoming increasingly capable of reading—and conveying information through—body language.
Signing to the ILB ensured that, regardless of the physical shape or composition of the rest of Velazquez's body, Velazquez had at least ten fingers. Subsequently, during the Season β8 elections, Velazquez was twice the beneficiary of the Replacement Elbows blessing, and so had two elbows implanted. After stringing two lengths of [REDACTED] between the origin of Velazquez's fingers and the now visible elbows to suggest the presence of forearms, Velazquez became capable of effectively communicating in sign language.
However, Velazquez still vastly prefers to use computing devices as communication aids, and to this day carries a TI-84 in a belt holster at all times.
The Spies were initially suspicious of this Alternated Velazquez, distrusting this iteration's theories on optimizing lineups and performance. However, over the seasons, the Spies warmed to Velazquez’s present iteration.
Alexandria Rosales regularly requests Velazquez's help cracking encryption, particularly appreciating the alternate's newfound skill in such fields as frequency analysis of natural languages.
Velazquez has been seen making physically affectionate gestures towards Fitzgerald Blackburn, which are often reciprocated; when asked for comment, both deny that such a change has occurred, and that even if it has, it does not mean anything.
Denzel Scott also eventually dropped the issue of Velazquez being an alternate. When asked what had prompted this attitudinal shift, Scott said, "We talked for a while. You know, life, love, metaphysics, sudoku-solving tactics." Scott and Velazquez are now regularly spotted making modem noises at each other while coordinating outfield defense.
Marco Escobar, however, remained skeptical of this iteration of Velazquez; Velazquez's alternation threw their theories about the prophetic potential of an unchanging cosmic linchpin into utter disarray, and Escobar claims that Velazquez voluntarily Alternated specifically to spite Escobar’s attempts to understand the nature of the universe.
A New Friendship
Season 11 of Blaseball saw the introduction of the Baltimore Crabs’ replacement team, the Tokyo Lift. After the Spies’ first game against the Lift, the team captain Stijn Strongbody stopped by the Spies’ locker room to invite Math Velazquez to stay at the Lift stadium for the night. When asked why, Strongbody stated that he had always had a fascination with advanced mathematics and wanted to get to know Velazquez.
This first meeting was the start of a strong friendship. Strongbody and Velazquez got along well, and were often seen spending time together when the Spies were in Tokyo or when the Lift traveled to Houston. The duo could be found puzzling over research papers, discussing and debating contradictions, or attempting to prove unsolved conjectures.
According to an anonymous source, when the Lift were visiting Houston, Velazquez went to visit Strongbody’s hotel and stayed there for several days. By the time another Spy paid a visit to see what was going on, Math and Stijn were both passed out over a table cluttered with paper, and had to be physically removed from the room despite both their protests about the problem still being unsolved.
Outside of frantic and brief meetings between games, the two remained in contact with each other. Strongbody was seen texting Velazquez asking for help with various mathematics puzzles, and Velazquez reportedly secured access to several Tokyo-area university libraries. The two teams viewed their friendship with admiration, a sign of the league finally coming together after the Discipline Era.
Expansion Era Losses
The incinerations of Theodore Holloway and Son Scotch at the beginning of the Expansion Era made the already quiet Math Velazquez even less willing to engage with the world, with Velazquez spending whole days unmoving and unresponsive, an occurrence Velazquez referred to as “staring at the wall”. At Fitzgerald Blackburn’s request, other Spies took shifts sitting nearby to keep the catatonic Velazquez company.
After Stijn Strongbody’s incineration, the Spies received a large envelope in the mail, stuffed full of “his old notes”. Several months later, a paper appeared in the Annals of Blaseball Research, with Velazquez and Strongbody listed as co-authors.
Consumers & Shadowing
During the season 20 playoffs, Velazquez was subject to two Consumer attacks. Velazquez’s total star rating fell precipitously, leading to Velazquez making jokes about being “literally halved”.
The entire team agreed that Velazquez would have to be Shadowed to recover. Velazquez said goodbye to the team, with everyone expecting Velazquez's stay in the Shadows to be long-term.However, Velazquez would be called up again less than a season later. In season 21, Voicemails were offered as a renovation and then immediately Ratified. Velazquez was voicemailed several times over the next few seasons, slowly recovering stars with the shadowdips. Velazquez expressed relief at not having to play the whole season, and stated that Velazquez was "using that extra time to do some research. Classified research, of course."
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