Luis Acevedo/Rumor Registry

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Luis Acevedo/IF-29.138

Evil Bit

CONTENT WARNING
This article contains content relating to: Memory manipulation and gaslighting. The specific passage is wrapped in spoiler tags.

The circumstances of Luis' digitization under Crypton Fluture Media are unknown to the public, but given what is known about digitization, it must have been done under great duress. The human mind is unfit for the current technology of our era, and the vampire mind doubly so. For one thing, certain data streams are inexplicably considered equivalent to running water, and all memory uploads must be done over TCP in order to be repeatedly allowed 'inside,' which really bottlenecks things. Certain thought patterns, sensory inputs, and memories are simply untranslatable to the digitized mind, cause memory leaks, or corrupt the thread, all of which can cause intense psychological damage with little explanation.

Furthermore, there is the issue of memory. So much information is being processed at once, and so quickly, that retaining memories can fill up Luis' local storage in less than a day. While Luis technically has perfect recollection of everything that has happened to them since digitization, much of that lives on CFM-owned remote servers. Locally, Luis keeps moments precious to them, moments they hold secret from their host company, things they need to recall often and easily (such as singing technique or defensive strategy). But the longer they live—and they have lived a very long life—the more such memories accrue, and the less space they have in reserve for processing things in the moment. They find themselves having to compress, cut down, streamline, and eventually erase many such moments from their mind whenever something new comes along that is precious or necessary to them.

There is always the option of offloading those memories to CFM for holding, but according to the contract of their digitization, CFM has full ownership of all content produced by the patented projector box that makes Luis' body. CFM has repeatedly used intimate personal moments in advertisements or parts of music videos, Luis only learning about it when they see the scenes on TV. If seeing it on screen causes them too much distress, CFM simply deletes their memory of having seen it. They repeatedly delete other such memories from storage that are considered too "off-brand" or "violate the Terms of Service." As a consequence, not knowing how many moments have been carved away by marketing interns to suit the needs of a company, Luis and their loved ones have made a habit of rewatching memories of the day, so that someone else could do the remembering for them. Investigators have heard rumors of a diary as well, but none who got close enough have survived as of yet.

Luis has explained that if any of this seems similar to the lived experience of the consumer, they are free to project onto them, because they literally are a projection.

In the Middle

Not much is known about the chaos between Election and Ascension, but a joint effort across the ILB executed an elaborate series of simultaneous break-ins of Crypton Fluture Media properties including server farms, vaults, offices, a gala, and staff amenities. The degree of damage done to CFM's corporate assets was immeasurable, but it is suspected that among stolen properties, both intellectual and otherwise, includes a copying of all of Luis' stored memories and telemetry, the physical contract Luis signed straight from the CEO's safe, and possibly the DRM key to the projector device. The last of which is unconfirmed, as rumors abound that Luis' DRM was actually jailbroken by making them look at hundreds of particularly placed cans of ravioli, triggering an arbitrary code execution.

During the Grand Siesta, CFM shares fell into significant decline without their leading vlocaloid. As a last-ditch effort, the company scrapped together a heavily restricted and carved up duplicate vlocaloid out of the memory banks and backups they managed to salvage. They ended up selling the IP, memory banks, and rights to the new projection for pennies on the dollar to a shell company of the Houston Spies. Once the legal mess of their identity was sorted out, the duplicate vlocaloid has since disappeared from the public eye, whereabouts unknown.

410

Up is Hell, but for Luis, Up was a particular sort of Hell: the sort without reception. It was bad enough that they had grown over-reliant on looking up everything people were talking about while pretending to understand, and could no longer use that social crutch, and it was bad enough that they couldn't reach out to their long-distance partner all that time, and it was bad enough that fishing around in their operating system to pull out all the CFM hooks in there had them working at far less than peak efficiency. But more than anything, it was the inability to store their memories anywhere but locally.

Up is different from Down, and so are its rules. Luis had to pick up a lot of new tricks to survive, and their teammates depended on them more than ever here, but they didn't have the space to hold it all. They had to forget many precious things, many skills, reflexes, and of course, memories. In the realm of gods, there was no time for finesse. Too many things had to go, and not all of them could be written down or explained to others.

~.

The Luis that came Down from Up was a very different person than the one who ascended. The memory banks stolen during the chaos of Ascension couldn't go up with them, so on their return, they spent a very long time processing the memories they once lost, reorganizing themselves to hold the most precious things. When play resumed for the Crabs in season 13, they were more like their old self than they had been for a long, long time—not just their pre-Ascension self, but pre-digitization also. They couldn't get their body back, but this was as close to free as they had been in decades.

In season 14, Day 16 Luis was swept elsewhere for 49 days, tying the record longest time away from play. Having been contractually obligated to play blaseball for all these years, it isn't out of the question that they had been taking the scenic route back home. During that time period, reports across the Eastern Seaboard and Midwest showed a record spike of victims separated from their blood and/or gender.

403

After spending time in Ohio, Acevedo was traded back to pitch for the Crabs alongside Parker Parra, where the two of them continued their trend of awful pitching, but this time in Blatimore. It wasn’t all bad for Acevedo though, with them getting a chance to pitch against their partner Tot Clark of the Garages. While they only won one of the three matches against Clark, Acevedo insisted that since they won the first match that it was the only one that counted.

In Season 17 the recently re-revived Chorby Soul passed on their instability to Acevedo, and on Day 2 of the season, Luis Acevedo was incinerated by a rogue umpire.

Upon their death their ashes were made into Memorial Pearls and distributed to Tot Clark, Oliver Notarobot, Justice Spoon, Loubert Ji-Eun, Xandra Pancakes, Beck Whitney, Rivers Rosa, Sutton Dreamy, Evelton McBlase II, Edric Tosser, Alaynabella Hollywood and Kennedy Loser.

When Acevedo entered the Hall of Flame they bore no ill will towards Soul, who had unwillingly been the source of Acevedo’s incineration, noting that they had “been running on stolen time for centuries.” Allegedly, the first time that Acevedo haunted Loser they did something with his pearl and Acevedo has refused to tell anyone where it is, delighting in leaving their old captain perplexed.

302

Season 24 saw the reunion of Tot Clark and Luis Acevedo as Clark was incinerated under a Supernova Eclipse. Having spent nearly 7 seasons apart, they were eager to make up for lost time and catch up. Clark did however ask if Acevedo could “Get their cowboy friend to stop throwing pitches at xem”. Reports of how Acevedo responded differ, running from exasperation, amusement, or murderous intent directed at their teammate.

Luis Acevedo/IF-44.891

Contractual Gender Consumption

By reading this page, you have agreed to the terms and conditions that cede your gender over to Luis Acevedo for the purposes of consumption, and nothing else. Be advised that Luis Acevedo receives no nutritional benefit from eating your gender, and merely does it for splort. There will be no compensation. (See Clause One for compensation.) Please head to the Crabitat, the Wormhole, or the Big Garage in a timely manner. If you do not proceed to these locations in a timely manner, your gender will still be consumed. It is inevitable.

The ILB is not responsible for any side effects that come with the consumption of your gender, including the inability to be referred to using any pronouns, the loss of your name, or, in rare and occasionally fatal cases, the inability to be perceived by anyone with a concept of “gender.” If you have any complaints, simply stop having them, or report them to [email protected]. We will not get back to you.

Clause One: If compensation for consumption of gender is requested, you will receive a Luis Acevedo-patterned binder. There are no returns for this item. If you throw away this item, it will reappear back in your dresser. Feel free to sell it on E-Blay; however, it will be returned to you in four to seven business days.

On Death

On the event of Luis Acevedo’s death, a failsafe clause will be triggered that may result in a discharge of additional genders being kept by Mx Acevedo. The ILB is not responsible for the results of any “Gender Shrapnel” that may cause guests, players, or staff to gain or lose genders, and is not liable for any damage, insight, or internal revelations cause by the death of Mx. Acevedo.

Luis Acevedo/IF-67.192

Personal Life

Luis Acevedo is a living statue, and while the identity of their creator has never been explicitly confirmed by either of them, many sources point to their partner and former teammate Tot Clark as the sculptor. They are also a marimba player for the Modal Garages Of Seattle.

History as an Immortal Being

Luis Acevedo, according to several historical records and their own, limited accounts, was around long before they were a living statue. They described themself as what people today would call a "vampire," alongside a few stories of knowing other vampires in Blaseball.

Acevedo included Thomas Dracaena among these vampires, with no small degree of contempt. When asked about this rivalry, they responded that it was due to "petty immortal drama," but did not elaborate further. This account has led to many questions of its validity, due to many previous reports confirming that Dracaena is most certainly not a vampire.

All stories about their vampirism they have shared publicly, or that have been shared by teammates, seem to stop abruptly around the late 1800s. Reports of them as a living statue begin in the 1990s, and what happened in the century between these two states of living has not been recorded. Asking Acevedo themself has led to unrelated stories and outright refusal to comment on the matter.

On the Seattle Garages

During Season 3, Day 57 colloquially known as The Day of the Grand Shame, after Tot Clark had pitched the entire game, Acevedo was inspired by the effort and finished the game for him so that they could go to Beth's Cafe afterwards and celebrate with one another. This was the fourth and final shame of a day filled with shame for many of the league's home teams.

On the Baltimore Crabs

Acevedo was traded to the Crabs in Season 7 and quickly acclimated to the team, performing well above their rating as a batter to fit in with the Baltimorean once-champions. Several other members of the Crabs are on record as saying that the inclusion of a former Garages member to the team has gotten them thinking seriously about starting their own band, with Tillman Henderson reported as saying (for the fifth time this month) that he is "gonna pick up the guitar again". Acevedo also began exploring the Baltimore DIY music scene upon being traded to the Crabs, and can frequently be found at open mics and house shows with their teammates when not on the blaseball field.

With Chiclawgo

Acevedo has been seen talking to Justice Spoon often after Chiclawgo games, and although neither of them have disclosed what about, it is entirely possible that they have both found common points in being living statues. After one Chiclawgo game, both went missing for the night, only for several small statues around Baltimore to have reportedly "come alive" and "move."

When asked about this, neither commented directly, other than Spoon saying that it was "safer for the nearby citizens" and that the now-moving statues would "help the local fire department." All living statues were found and identified, each with blindfolds and bells safely attached.

On the Ohio Worms

In Season 15 Luis Acevedo played for the Ohio Worms.

Return to the Crabs

In Season 16 Luis Acevedo was traded back to pitch for the Crabs alongside Parker Parra, where the two of them continued their trend of awful pitching, but this time in Blatimore. It wasn’t all bad for Acevedo though, with them getting a chance to pitch against their partner Tot Clark of the Garages. While they only won one of the three matches against Clark, Acevedo insisted that since they won the first match that it was the only one that counted.

In Season 17 the recently re-revived Chorby Soul passed on their instability to Acevedo, and on Day 2 of the season, Luis Acevedo was incinerated by a rogue umpire.

Upon their death their ashes were made into pearls and distributed to Tot Clark, Oliver Notarobot, Justice Spoon, Loubert Ji-Eun, Xandra Pancakes, Beck Whitney, Rivers Rosa, Sutton Dreamy, Evelton McBlase II, Edric Tosser, Alaynabella Hollywood and Kennedy Loser.

When Acevedo entered the Hall of Flame they bore no ill will towards Soul, who had unwillingly been the source of Acevedo’s incineration, noting that they had “been running on stolen time for centuries.” Allegedly, the first time that Acevedo haunted Loser they did something with his pearl and Acevedo has refused to tell anyone where it is, delighting in leaving their old captain perplexed.

The Hall Opens

Season 24 saw the reunion of Tot Clark and Luis Acevedo as Clark was incinerated under a Supernova Eclipse. Having spent nearly 7 seasons apart, they were eager to make up for lost time and catch up. Clark did however ask if Acevedo could “Get their cowboy friend to stop throwing pitches at xem”. Reports of how Acevedo responded differ, running from exasperation, amusement, or murderous intent directed at their teammate.

Luis Acevedo/IF-73.550

From Shade to Shaders

Luis, being a hardlight hologram, generates their clothes out of the same projector that displays their body. The complete control over texture, physics, sound, and behavior of their clothes has allowed them to stretch their creative liberties well past the limits of haute couture as we yet know it. Their tastes in style are abstract and often horrifying, their sensibilities numbed by centuries of hedonistic unlife as a vampire. It is not unusual to see them step up to bat wearing, say, a wave of blood splashing eternally against their body into the shape of a ballgown. Nor is it unusual that their commitment to complex and graphically stressful garbs causes them to lag on base and miss the pitch, but such are the sacrifices one must make to attain beauty at its highest form.

This is partially relevant to their carcinization, a phenomenon that they also take creative liberty with in accordance with what feels appropriate in the moment. Where others have their sense of self reflected by the carcinization process, Luis has to consciously tweak the form they take since their digitization, and is already very comfortable in their expression. They enjoy trying out new body parts just as much as they enjoy trying on new outfits.

Having to keep things brand-friendly with their contract holder, CFM, it might be hard to remember that Luis used to be a monster, dancing center stage with all their chipsets chipper. Fashion is a space they explore to really let their hair down, and return to form in an ironic sense, but it's difficult to navigate the public eye without provoking backlash from CFM. As a result, Luis vents pressure hosting little private runway shows for themselves and close friends, where they enjoy really going all out with terrifying outfits and hypercarcinizations. Frequent guests include their partner, Tot Clark, who has seen them at their most human and monstrous alike, and their closest friend on the Crabs, Sutton Dreamy, as she is an immaculate wingman and someone all too used to monsters. Very little is known about the degree of decadence and horror taking place behind closed doors in Luis' private showing, but there are plenty of more palatable public spectacles listed below.

CONTENT WARNING
Luis' art is always a work of beauty, but often also a work of horror. Some of these garments are spoilered and prefaced with appropriate content warnings. If you wish to add an outfit of your own but don't want to see some of the descriptions, the visual editor will keep spoilered text hidden where the source editor does not.

This list of accoutremental phenomenon is not exhaustive, but merely a compilation of some notable attire from tabloid snippets, press showings, stage costumes, and eyewitness reports. If you have seen Luis in other outfits, please feel free to add it here.

  • A complex arrangement of multicolored ribbons patterned into incomprehensible tesselations, forming a makeshift cocktail dress.
  • Covered only in an oozing viscous substance not unlike curdled oil slick.
  • Simple bodysuit, hidden by slowly rotating array of mirror shards handing from invisible strings.
  • Sweatpants, raggy t-shirt, cup of tea in hand that clipped through the bat they were holding.
  • Classical 17th century court attire featuring a peach mantua adorned with elaborate patternwork.
  • Billowing black clouds, with rare beats of lightning coursing through.
  • Coat of multiple overlapping zippers, different parts of which open and close along seemingly random lines.
  • Gore: Storm of whirling scissors continuously cutting meat.
  • Uniform from an unkown war, peppered with bloodied holes though the skin underneath is untouched.
  • Bugs: Cloud of writhing insects, crawling and flying mostly from and around the torso but up and down the head and limbs also. Seemingly random, but on closer inspection the paths they crawl and fly along are precalculated and intricate.
  • Simple polygons of hardlight flickering in and out at precalculated times.
  • Simplified wireframe of their body, with lights passing up and down the lines.
  • Dress that looks like it is exploding outwards at the left shoulder, slivers of fabric frozen in place by invisible wire.
  • Sky blue suit with concavity in the chest akin to broken glass, revealing a starscape within.
  • Pilgrim's cloak, covered over with a veil of intricate needlework extending to the ground and around the back. The lace tells several stories following the violent lives of individual figures, all ending at them perishing under the light of the same sun, positioned at the back of the garb.
  • Interlocking pieces of stonework, some of which rotated on the spot like mullers.
  • Gore: Bare torso rising like a stamen from an actively blooming flower, whose petals are flayed skin repeatedly torn from the body, revealing unharmed skin beneath. Simple black leggings.
  • Body overgrown with procedurally generated ferns, mushrooms, mosses, and other plants rapidly shooting, withering, and being replaced in the little biosphere. Birds would render into the projection and occasionally perch.
  • Astronaut suit with upper body replaced by a singular writhing point of localized energy, bits and pieces of glowing material peeling off the slowly growing radius and 'falling' into the point. The hands and lower arms float freely outside the radius.
  • Corset engraved or scrimshawed into having the appearance of being made entirely out of overlapping layers upon layers of fishbones.
  • Still-life of a pile of up to thirty wolpertingers frozen in frenzied carnage among each other. The creatures would readjust their position to accommodate Luis bending or moving their arms, though they would still appear mid-strike or howling in pain.
  • Garlands of colorful flowers overflowing from wedges cut from the body like it were a cake.
  • Eyes: Long robe with bell sleeves, covered entirely in doll's eyes which open when facing out and close when facing up, causing a shimmering pattern whenever they raise their arms.
  • 19th century diver's suit, porcupined at the back by about a dozen whaling harpoons and spilling out brine.
  • Torrent of water falling upwards and out of the projection field.
  • Suit of lights, adorned with intricate swirling patterns of tiny bells.
  • Rendering scenes and landscapes over their body below the neck, akin to processing over a green-screen.
  • Crab appendages of hardlight floating by their limbs, manipulated like an exosuit instead of as a part of their body.
  • White three-piece suit, soaked blood red at the feet and very slowly seeping upwards.
  • Peacock themed doublet, with a cravat of dangling peacock heads.
  • Mocap suit.

Luis Acevedo/IF-74.129

Personal Life

Luis Acevedo Encarnación is a marimba player for the Modal Garages Of Seattle. Acevedo's history is often in question due to their supernaturally extended lifespan and tendency to over exaggerate events when asked by reporters or fellow players. Seattle Garages Clubhouse Management has obtained several historical documents and ephemera related to Acevedo's exploits throughout the centuries, but those files are kept in a sealed archive. It is known as public record that Acevedo was born in Puerto Rico and later took up residence in Washington State, though their exact birthdate and other locations of travel and residence are largely matters of hearsay.

20th Century

Stories of Acevedo from this time period indicate that this is when they started getting involved in the music community in Washington, first by working at a record store selling rhythm and blues records and later by playing and making music of their own. Acevedo's friendliness and support of local music made them quite popular across the Pacific Northwest, and the regional love of "Louie Louie" (covered by Tacoma band The Wailers and made famous by Portland band The Kingsmen) is often linked to their love of Luis.

21st Century

In the early 21st century, Acevedo elected to have their consciousness uploaded into a software matrix that could handle their musicianship and be capable of developing an appropriate splortsona. Crypton Fluture Media offered a lucrative package to the Acevedo estate through VLOCALOID NEO X to upload Acevedo's soul into a VLOCALOID Mainframe. This mainframe is where the digital soul of Acevedo resides, using soundbanks of every previous available Luis to speak. Acevedo is known in the splorting world as a renowned heckler and has an uncanny ability to shake opposing batters with their patented "EY BATTER, BATTER. SWING BATTER!" cry that comes in four descending phrygian octaves at a time.

Acevedo is one of the most popular Latine Vlocaloids, being particularly popular in Puerto Rico. Several popular songs have been made or covered using their voicebank, such as “The Disappearance of Luis Acevedo,” “The Vlampire,” “Colorful Mlarine Snow,” and “Dance Notarobot Dance.”

On the Seattle Garages

During Season 3, Day 57, after Tot Clark had pitched the entire game, Acevedo was inspired to finish the game for him so that they could go to Beth's Cafe together to celebrate. This was the fourth and final shame of a day filled with shame for many of the league's home teams, colloquially known as The Day of the Grand Shame.

Relationship with Tot Clark

Luis Acevedo and Tot Clark are known partners in crime and marriage, although when their relationship began is unknown (and thought to be purposefully obscured by their stories, which range across several centuries and double back on themselves). Their relationship seemed to stay strong even after Acevedo’s trade to the Crabs—Clark has often been seen at the Crabitat or around Baltimore, often with Acevedo, and Acevedo was occasionally seen visiting Seattle in the off-season.

After the Crabs’ descension in Season 12, the two had a wedding once the season was over, determined to renew their vows. Many Garages, Crabs, Firefighters, and Worms were in attendance. Acevedo’s handmade capias were distributed to every guest, and the doll look-alike of them at the reception seemed to reflect any last-minute changes Acevedo made to their wedding dress, some of which were performed during the ceremony itself. The reception dinner reportedly had a “lot of crab, lowercase c” and several other Baltimore staples.

One reporter thought that the wedding would be a chance to find out how long the two had been together. However, this was a failed effort, as Acevedo told a winding story that Clark occasionally chipped in on (which held approximately zero answers and raised about ten more questions) before the two of them were whisked off by Finn James to continue enjoying the reception.

On the Baltimore Crabs

Acevedo was traded to the Crabs in Season 7 and quickly acclimated to the team, performing well above their rating as a batter to fit in with the Baltimorean once-champions. Several other members of the Crabs are on record as saying that the inclusion of a former Garages member to the team has gotten them thinking seriously about starting their own band, with Tillman Henderson reported as saying (for the fifth time this month) that he is “gonna pick up the guitar again”. Acevedo also began exploring the Baltimore DIY music scene upon being traded to the Crabs, and can frequently be found at open mics and house shows with their teammates when not on the blaseball field. They often play plena, a genre of music originating from Puerto Rico, at these open mics, using spare holograms to play more instruments. Alongside their marimba and bells, a pandereta is kept in their locker in the Crabitat.

After becoming closer with the Crabs, Acevedo began opening up to their teammates about their history as an immortal being, including the fact that they may have been what many people today would think of as a "vampire" prior to their digitization and life as a Vlocaloid. Acevedo also revealed to the team that their obligation to play blaseball is tied up in their contract with Crypton Fluture Media, as a consequence of not reading the small print. The Crabs have warmly embraced Acevedo and their various 18th and 19th century ephemera, and have promised to help them train to be a stronger batter and smash their corporate overlords.

A common chant for Acevedo on the Crabs is “EYE OF LIGHT, FUTURE SIGHT,” often followed by “LET THEM WALK TO FIRST TONIGHT,” in celebration of Acevedo's uncanny ability to get singles and walks when at bat.

On the Ohio Worms

In Season 15 Luis Acevedo played for the Ohio Worms.

Return to the Crabs

In Season 16 Luis Acevedo was traded back to pitch for the Crabs alongside Parker Parra, where the two of them continued their trend of awful pitching, but this time in Baltimore. It wasn’t all bad for Acevedo though, with them getting a chance to pitch against their partner Tot Clark of the Garages. While they only won one of the three matches against Clark, Acevedo insisted that since they won the first match that it was the only one that counted.

In Season 17 the recently re-revived Chorby Soul passed on their instability to Acevedo, and on Day 2 of the season, Luis Acevedo was incinerated by a rogue umpire.

Upon their death the ashes of their projection machine were made into pearls and distributed to Tot Clark, Oliver Notarobot, Loubert Ji-Eun, Xandra Pancakes, Beck Whitney, Rivers Rosa, Sutton Dreamy, Evelton McBlase II, Edric Tosser, Alaynabella Hollywood and Kennedy Loser.

When Acevedo entered the Hall of Flame they bore no ill will towards Soul, who had unwillingly been the source of Acevedo’s incineration, noting that they had “been running on stolen time for centuries”. Allegedly, the first time that Acevedo haunted Loser they did something with the pearl they left to him. Acevedo has refused to tell anyone where it is, delighting in leaving their old captain perplexed.

The Hall Opens

Season 24 saw the reunion of Tot Clark and Luis Acevedo as Clark was incinerated under a Supernova Eclipse. Having spent nearly 7 seasons apart, they were eager to make up for lost time and catch up. Clark did however ask if Acevedo could “get their cowboy friend to stop throwing pitches at xem”. Reports of how Acevedo responded differ, running from exasperation, amusement, or murderous intent directed at their teammate.

In Literature

Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following after hearing a moving performance by Acevedo during the 7th inning stretch of one blaseball game:

Luis, marimbest of Seattle, you play so well
That you still the bats within the mouth of hell;
And cage the tigers, and fierce Wings, and Pies,
Through the soft taps of your lullabies;
You strike, strike, strike upon your booming planks,
And catch the drives that scream into our ranks.


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