Official League Records
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.
Box of Kit Honey Files
- Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-47.261 and start reading...
Kit Honey is a fictional Blaseball player. She first appeared as the globe-trotting, home-run-hitting, mystery-solving teenage star of a children’s animated television series and countless spin-off junior novels (Kit Honey and the Bunt of Doom, Kit Honey and the Mummy’s Flyout etc.).
The original series was cancelled in 1997 but relaunched during Season β10 of Internet League Blaseball, with the character now a home-run-hitting, mystery-solving, twice-divorced woman in her forties. This older Honey has unflattering spectacles, a flaky scalp and a dodgy knee but retains her insatiable nosiness and zeal for righting wrongs.
Though canonically a batter for hire in the Underleagues, for cross-promotional purposes a “Kit Honey” was registered among the Tokyo Lift’s founding cohort of Shadows players. Her costumed appearances at children’s events in the Legscraper were handled by an assortment of actors and Lift admin staff (and once, for lack of a better option, by Val Hitherto).
As Tokyo Lift player
Australian-Japanese actor Julie Kusuda was hired for promotional work in support of straight-to-streaming animated film Kit Honey and the Sluggernauts. Known for her dedication to the craft - she developed an eighty-page backstory for her role as “woman at party” in a carpet cleaner infomercial - Kusuda devoured all 200+ episodes of The Kit Honey Mysteries and every available print appearance.
Having no previous background in splorts, Kusuda spent time in the Gym’s home dugout studying Lift batters’ technique, interactions and motivations at close hand. She also served a large number of unpaid shifts at the Beef Wings stand, something Hitherto insisted would be “valuable research”. With several months of intense preparation under her belt, Kusuda finally felt ready for her contracted twelve hours of appearing in selfies with Kit Honey fans at that year's Kobe Comic Con.
During the chaos and euphoria that followed the Lift’s Season β19 Championship win, a member of Lift staff submitted documents notifying the League of Honey's appointment to the active roster in place of Silvaire Semiquaver. This error was discovered too late for a retraction and the culprit has never been identified. To the relief of all concerned, Honey’s current proxy proved a competent batter in her own right.
Not every teammate understands Honey to be a fictional character nor Kusuda an actor. Nandy Slumps considered Honey an attention-seeking fabulist, and publicly poured scorn on her stories of haunted houses, cursed pirate treasure and creepy funfairs. Other players have their own reasons for playing along with the illusion; Engine Eberhardt claims the chance to impress his childhood fave spurs him on to ever faster baserunning, while Cicero Gubbins and Coolname Galvanic delight in setting Rube Goldberg traps around the Legscraper as they take turns LARPing as villain-of-the-week. A few express concern that the lines are blurring for Kusuda herself, who has sworn a Thlespian oath not to break character until the Lift win a second title.
The televised Honey is known for her fourth-wall-breaking epilogues, often about bullying, vandalism or the dangers of peer pressure. Kusuda in turn will close every Lift match by turning to an unseen pre-teen viewer and sharing Something We Learned Today.
Selected filmography (Kusuda)
|Safety Is YOUR Responsibility
|Beef Wings Corp employee indoctrination video
|one episode (uncredited)
|Gone Too Soon: the Kiki Familia Story
|spectator (scenes cut)
|movie for theatrical release
|Released Too Late: the Gone Too Soon: the Kiki Familia Story Story
|spectator (scenes cut (archive footage))
|Blu-Ray special feature
|Kit Gets Hits
|video by rock band Scorpler’s Jacket; cover version of the cartoon theme tune
Selected appearances (Honey)
|Kit Honey and the Big Chance
|Kit learns about being a good friend
|Kit Honey and the Last Unicorn
|Kit learns about endangered species and habitat destruction
|Kit Honey and the Green Goo
|Kit takes on an unscrupulous businessman whose factory is polluting a local river
|Kit Honey and the Too-Cheap Sneakers
|Kit learns how workers are exploited by the global economic system
|Kit Honey and the Cultural Hegemony
|Kit facilitates a three-day workshop on the political writing of Antonio Gramsci. Last episode to be broadcast before advertiser pullout led to the show's abrupt cancellation
|Kit Honey and the Grand Slam
|Kit teaches a young Blaseball fan how to be a good friend