Kennedy Loser/IF-65.907

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Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Kennedy Loser at their Rumor Registry.

Private Life

Loser is often described as a father figure by many of the Crabs. "It's like, he doesn't always get your music or understand why you're wearing you cap backwards but he's always at the grill come BBQ day and he's saved a hot dog just for you."

When asked about Kennedy in a 1994 interview, Combs Duende stated "Loser is an absolute sweetheart. He'll help out the newer players with their batting technique, he'll shout nice things across the diamond. Stuff like that. Man, one time he comes into the dugout with a walkman, some new Garages joint playing and he obviously doesn't like it but talking about how he's trying to connect with us. It's real sweet. Or like one time he just borrows one of the ride-on mowers after the game, just to try it out. Obviously having the time of his life chugging around at 5 miles per hour."

Loser has been married for 53 years, though his spouse has stayed out of the public eye. Loser is reportedly "extremely happy" with his husband, but his colleagues, such as Enid Marlow and Conner Haley have openly questioned the match, stating that the "vibes" are "bad". While it is likely that Loser will one day succumb to the fires of incineration, many of his teammates express a mix of worry, concern, and monetary bets that his husband will use the cover of incinerations to collect on Loser's sizable life insurance policy.

Loser is known to have a matching arm tattoo with Tillman Henderson.

Less Private Life

Since the election in Season 15, Kennedy Loser has been dealing with a bad case of being very haunted. Luckily he seems to be taking this in stride, welcoming in the new ghosts and apparitions into his life with increasing frequency. Loser has expressed relief at seeing old friends and new faces on both in games, in his flat, and visiting the Clawliday Inn after games to unwind.

Tillman Henderson has made several appearances in games, but has also stuck around afterwards, often getting Loser banned from bars and other nearby establishments, doing vape tricks, or just all around getting into trouble. However Henderson also has been reported to take care of common household tasks that Loser finds tedious, like re-seasoning cast-iron pans, separating recycling, and keeping an eye on him when Loser is consumed by the call of the werecrab within him once a month.

Another common visitor is the recently deceased Luis Acevedo who has been taking the opportunity to work on Loser’s personal style alongside fellow Crab Trinity Smaht. While Loser does not have the patience or drive to work on it himself, Acevedo and Smaht are happy to figure out what shades of lipstick suit him and take care of his nails while he’s being possessed. For his part Loser has been having a great time with the new looks, and is glad to see the two of them getting along.

An Alternate: Wrong Number

In the Season 22 Election Kennedy Loser’s Alternate was called onto the Crabs. While it seemed at first that his reality lined up very closely with our known reality, Pedro Davids, the last original member of the Crabs on the team after Loser, found himself cataloging a number of minor differences. For instance Loser seemed to prefer his coffee black now, used a different locker, and had reacted with barely concealed confusion the first time someone mentioned the First World War. This led to Davids spending time going over historical events, and realizing that the further back they went, the more the two diverged on their stories. Once the Discipline Era began it seemed the two were mostly in sync, but Davids did wonder if there were other changes that Loser simply chose not to disclose.

A Ghostly Presence

On Day 30 of season 20 Shannon Chamberlain of the Maryland Squirrels stepped up to the plate for the Baltimore Crabs, inhabiting Kennedy Loser, before being interrupted by Conner Haley getting caught stealing a base, ending the inning. This resulted in a strange affliction where Chamberlain simply didn’t leave. Through the Expansion Era Loser gained a companion for the various highs and lows and ends of the world. When asked about Chamberlain, Loser would often make vague statements or complain that they would not stop heckling the other ghosts.

In the final season of the Expansion Era , Chamberlain grew morose, with the determination that “it’s all happening again isn’t it?”, often chiding the attempts of the league to fight against their fates or work together towards an end, and generally unimpressed with the state of the game and confident they know how this story would end. This remained true right until the Black Hole nullified the Philly Pies at which point they exclaimed “holy ***** did you see that?” and admitted that maybe this season might not be what they expected.

Towards The Event Horizon

As the Black Hole opened up and teams were given the ability to steer themselves to their final destination, Kennedy Loser had a choice to make. In his long years as captain, and surviving the first Crab Reckoning as well as Day X, he had many thoughts about what it meant to fight a God. There were sacrifices that would have to be made, and he had made them. In fact several members of the team had. He got together with the longest serving members of the team, Pedro Davids and Finn James, and the three of them had a long, occasionally heated, discussion on what to do. In the end it was decided that they would not put their uninitiated teammates through the same struggles they had faced. They did not need to sacrifice themselves for this case, so they chose not to. James was unhappy with this outcome, Loser was uncharacteristically firm in this decision, leaving Davids to wonder if perhaps there were things Loser was leaving out of his alternate timeline, but as the team packed up and headed for the new Horizon they did it together, and awaited the end of the word.