Homerun Eric

From Blaseball Wiki

Background

A digital drawing of Homerun Eric, a white man with pale skin and dirty blonde hair, wearing a blazer and a turquoise button up talking on a phone with an arrow sun decal on it. He looks like an asshole.
Eric by Cori

While there may be bad fans all over the league, none have risen to such heights of notoriety as that of part time cryptid/full time asshole Homerun Eric. Hailing from Dark Seattle, Eric occupies a position of high executive clearance within the Corporation, though this fact has confused anyone who’s tried to figure out what exactly that position is, as he has clearly never done a single bit of honest work in his life.

Eric’s origins are cloaked in mystery and shadow. Some say he was once a successful used car salesman and landlord known for scamming orphanages, charities, and animal shelters out of their money.  Some say he started his career as a conniving record company executive who gained prominence after closing on a most notable deal. Still others say he was grown in a tube from the synthesized genetic material of the Corporation’s highest ranking CEO Triad and was raised by marketing technicians to be the perfect advertisement. Still, still, others will claim that Eric is a demon of a very literal nature, that the forked devil tail often graffiti’d on billboards of him is anything but metaphorical, and that he will stop at nothing to get someone to sell their soul.

Whatever Eric’s origins may be, it is an undeniable fact that he is just an absolute real bastard of a person, with a face SEO-optimized for punchability and a personality completely intolerable to be around for more than 0.05 seconds.

Known Aliases

Despite being from Dark Seattle, Eric somehow keeps showing up not only in Lightside Seattle, but in other dimensions where versions of the Garages have been sighted, often in increasingly outlandish disguises.

He has so far been sighted as:

  • Homespun Eric, a corner-cutting and unsustainable manager of a combination farm and amusement park by the name of Arrow Acres Berry Farm and Amusement Park,
  • Hot Coals Eric, a dastardly train robber making his home in a disused train car that seems to be getting more commercial by the second,
  • Hyperdrive Eric, a rules-obsessed representative of the Galactic Radio Licensing Authority who delights in attempting to catch unregistered and independent pirate radio stations in the act of broadcasting.

If any other aliases of Homerun Eric become apparent, please alert the Big Garage volunteer team so that they may be added to the list of people banned from the Big Garage.

Homerun Eric Rumors

Rumors swirl about Eric, each interaction with him breeding fresh disgust at his continued involvement with the beloved splort of Blaseball. While his rumors are too many and often too gross to publish fully, collected here are some of the more popular (and palatable):

  • Homerun Eric is a bandwagon fan, he’s only ever liked teams that won the Internet Series on the season they won the Internet Series.
  • Homerun Eric is obsessed with catching home run balls and he will push and hurt children to get them, he doesn’t care if children cry, he just wants to sell the balls on Eblay at a huge markup.
  • Homerun Eric puts 5 $1 bills on the table at a restaurant. Whenever the waiter does something he doesn’t like, he takes one away. What’s left is the tip.
  • Whenever Homerun Eric wins something on his first try, he never does it again to preserve his 100% win rate.
  • Despite having a very small bladder Homerun Eric NEVER buys seats in the aisle, he’s always at the center of the section which is just inconvenient for everyone.
  • Homerun Eric once threatened Randy Marijuana's cats in front of Randy. Once.
  • Homerun Eric once got his jaw broken by Monstera after threatening Randy Marijuana's cats in front of him.
  • The first time Homerun Eric met Meowlik, Eric pulled his tail.
  • Homerun Eric is a businessman and if you ask what his business is he will say "giving you the business".
  • Some people say Homerun Eric is so obsessed with homeruns he doesn’t pay attention to anything else about the game.
  • Homerun Eric only repeats takes he’s heard on splorts radio.
  • Homerun Eric says he is originally from California but decided to move up to the PNW because "the people are just so colorful and nice".
  • Homerun Eric thinks Allison Abbott should smile more. Allison Abbott thinks Homerun Eric should run faster.

Fan Works

Homerun Eric AMA by Emu (CW for swearing and some horror, loud noises_)

  • A mini drawing of Homerun Eric, a white man in a suit with a smug expression. He looks like an asshole.

    Homerun Eric Mini by Hetreasky

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