Fitzgerald Blackburn/IF-2.7182

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Fitzgerald Blackburn at their Rumor Registry.

Origins

The cloud of smoke left by Miki Santana's incineration refused to disperse, even after several minutes. Despite no apparent replacement for Santana, the umpires demanded that play continue. After the end of the inning, an industrial fan was used in an attempt to drive the smoke off the field; it continued to hold form, and rolled into the dugout. Later in the game, a Spies uniform filled with black smoke strode onto the field and hit a flyout.

Afterwards, the smoke was detained and questioned. By Spies tradition, the smoke-spirit was assigned a codename by rolling dice and consulting a lookup table: Fitzgerald Blackburn.

When asked why they retained form, they said: "I don't want to just disappear into the wind. I don't want to be forgotten. I want to be here. To experience the world."

Agency Work

Upon induction to the Spies, Blackburn was assigned espionage work, and proved naturally talented at both infiltration and emotional intelligence.

Blackburn's amorphous form makes it extremely good at sneaking into places; they can fit themselves into extremely small spaces for extended periods of time. For example, Blackburn reportedly once infiltrated an office by hiding inside a printer toner cartridge. They are also a master at air-vent escapes.

An exquisitely acute empathetic sense also makes Blackburn excellent at determining when someone is lying, though this also means that Blackburn has had to learn mental discipline so as not to burst into tears at the slightest provocation.

Blackburn is no longer allowed to blind people by blowing smoke into their eyes.

Blaseball Career

Debuting as an acceptably good batter, Blackburn slowly improved over the seasons, through peanuts, blessings, and updated gear designs. While not the leader or captain of the team (because Spies do not do leaders), Blackburn is a central backbone of their organization. Even through the disastrous Season 9 reverb, Blackburn remained a constant, doing their best to get everyone accustomed to their new roles.

Blackburn is now an exceptionally good batter who remained in that position for almost their entire career. Until Season 13, their equally exceptional pitching ability was kept highly classified, though Blackburn's unerring aim and strong arm when throwing balls back to the infield have long fed the speculation of the highly-observant.

Scattering and Trades

After reports from Blackburn and observations of Hotbox Sato about their experiences as smokespeople after being flooded off base, it was hypothesized that should Blackburn be swept away for an extended period of time, Scattering could be life-threatening.

After Theodore Holloway's death in season 13, Blackburn was inconsolable. Several days later, when Flooding crested again, Blackburn was swept away to Elsewhere. They remained missing for the rest of the season. It was speculated, and later confirmed, that they allowed themself to be pulled away by hopelessness and despair.

Between seasons, it was determined that the best way to deal with both Blackburn's physical and mental state was to provide them with an extended period of rest. A careful misfiling of paperwork sent Blackburn to the San Francisco Lovers as a pitcher. They quickly proved their brilliance on the field as a pitcher; batters report that Fitz's diffuse outline makes it exceptionally difficult to tell what kind of pitch they're throwing.

The next season, due to what may or may not have been intentional interference by Becker Solis, Fitzgerald Blackburn was sent to the Spies' Shadows. It remained there for a full season.

Return

Through much of the Expansion Era, Blackburn played consistently and well as younger Spies caught up with its skill and fame. However, at the same time, Blackburn’s anxiety became worse. In particular, holding a Golden Necklace (and thus being a Super Idol) between seasons 17 and 19 caused Blackburn regular panic attacks about being on the Idol Board. Despite never gaining a single level of Ego, let alone Legendary status, the mere act of being perceived caused Blackburn considerable distress.

“Agency supercomputers have run the numbers: idoling Fitz is only optimal if your current snack portfolio is hotdogs only, 650% multiplier, final destination. That isn’t even an optimal snack spread anyway,” Alexandria Rosales said on Blackburn's behalf, in a rare direct statement to the press. “If you really care about your optimization please just go for seeds.”

During the election after season 19, Jasper Blather took the Golden Necklace from Blackburn before Roaming away. When Blather was asked for comment, they stated, “I was supposed to give them my Crocs, but they’ve got more than enough drip already.” Blackburn’s response to press questions about the incident was to climb into an air vent.

Blackburn was attacked by Consumers during the season 20 postseason, but responded to all press questions with some variant of “Math [Velazquez] has it worse.” When Velazquez was shadowed due to injuries in that election, Blackburn refused to appear in public for weeks afterwards. Once Voicemail was Ratified in Season 21, though, Blackburn was overjoyed, and when Velazquez was present, the two were inseparable.

Commissioner Vapor joined the team after the season 20 elections. Blackburn immediately gravitated towards them, as Vapor was a fellow amorphous individual made out of incineration remains. Blackburn even briefly tried wearing a sealed suit like Vapor's, though Blackburn found the suit too restrictive to be useful.

Blackburn partied twice during Season 22, as part of the Spies breaking their general party drought, and this partially repaired the damage done by two Consumer attacks. However, their parties did not resemble typical ILB Party Time, which had been forbidden by the Agency. For one of these “parties” they were photographed merely leaning against a pillar, an enigmatic smile on their face.

Relations

Math Velazquez, being mathematics across all space and time, steadies Blackburn's perpetual anxiety about being forgotten. Velazquez's motivation for becoming a Blaseball player is also the same as Blackburn's, so their respective existential takes on life match. Son Scotch once told the press that "[Blackburn]'s totally in love and should really admit it to themself."

They may or may not have a queerplatonic relationship with Alexandria Rosales, being mutually supportive of each other's anxieties and traumas.

Blackburn's response to learning about Hotbox Sato's existence was curiosity about another individual made of smoke. A meeting was arranged. Blackburn entered the room where Sato was in diffuse form; a few minutes later Blackburn ran out, slammed the door behind them, and refused to describe what happened. Sato commented afterwards that Blackburn "needs to loosen up".

Speculation about Blackburn's position in the Lovers' polycule abounds, most of it centering around Knight Triumphant. For their part, Blackburn has remained completely silent when questioned.