Finn James/IF-1.2017/Stories
< Finn James | IF-1.2017
History
Finola "Finn" James was a humble crab fisherwoman and part-time tour guide at the Baltimore Aquarium before tragically falling over the side of her boat during a sudden storm. Lost in the toxic depths of the Chesapeake Bay, Jameswas saved from a watery death by the Mothercrab, who touched her mind to James’ own and bestowed upon her a fraction of the Olde One's power. James used that newfound power to swim back to the surface, but was forever changed, preferring to live her days in solitude on her boat as she began to slowly undergo the carcinisation process.
Blaseball Career
Following the untimely incineration of Combs Duende, the Baltimore Crabs' management team reached out to James, figuring that "we might as well start with a player who's already part-crab this time, instead of from scratch". James, though inexperienced in the rules of blaseball, accepted the position.
Post-Mothercrab
James is known to occasionally suffer side effects of having her mind touched by the Mothercrab, including but not limited to -- eyes turning black, projectile vomiting brackish water, restless leg syndrome, the compulsion to sing sea shanties, and visions of tragedies to come.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
Origin
After the untimely demise of Combs Duende, the baton of captain was hurriedly passed to Kennedy Loser, who was faced with his first challenge as a leader: Finding a new member of the lineup for the Baltimore Crabs. Thinking quickly Loser rushed off to his garage to dig up an old inflatable tube person from his time as a used car salesman. Thus the Crab’s newest player “Finn James” was added to the roster. This proved to be a poor choice for batting, but remarkably capable when it came to pitching. James also managed to popularize their own version of the wave among Crabs fans, and was known to refuse any signs, advertisements, or accoutrements other than their Crabs jersey as they are “a free tube person and does not work for you”.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
History
Finn James hatched in a pet store that was next to a splorts bar, and he would watch blaseball in his spare time. Between blaseball seasons 3 and 4, he figured that he would be good at blaseball if he practiced enough, but since there was no blaseball equipment inside the pet store, he whittled his own jlavelins and practiced throwing them. When one of his homemade jlavelins pierced an irreparable hole in the fish tank he was living in at the time, he left the pet store to go practice with some real blaseball equipment. He randomly swam until he reached the Chesapeake Bay, where his claws grew in due to the brackish water. Because of this, he knew he was destined to play for the Crabs. He finally found a blaseball, and he made his way over to the Crabitat.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
History
Finn James was first witnessed as a school of 23-28 privately educated fish of various species by Chlarles Dlarwin in 1834. Since these humble beginnings James has grown into a school of 24-29 privately educated fish of various species, almost all of which have now completed their PHDs. Due to each PHD being awarded for Splort Astrology, James is unfortunately both overqualified and under qualified for all employment, and has spent much of their life explaining this issue to others. They were awarded an additional doctorate in 2007 for their tireless work in the field of Regretting Their Education.
Blaseball Career
Finn James was summoned to the Blaseball field for the Baltimore Crabs during Season 4, Game 63. Despite very literally being fish out of water, they made a valiant effort to play the splort. In the post-game interview they stated that they were "honestly, just happy to finally have a job", before attempting to guess the interviewer's star sign, loudly exclaiming "I knew it!", despite having made 11 incorrect guesses.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
History
Finn James is the last surviving member of an pre-historic species of amphibian humanoids whose origins dated back to the Devonian Era. Their fossilised remains slumbered in the Chesapeake Bay for aeons while legends of the "man-fish" flourished on the streets of Baltimore.
Blaseball Career
Upon the incinerations of Combs Duende the Mother Crab required a new batter for it's beloved Baltimore Crabs and awoke Finn James.
While Finn James is not a crustacean of any nature they have a great appreciation for all things crab and have began to show up to games with a novelty crab hat and novelty foam claw hands. They've become a strong advocated of putting Old Bay Seasoning on everything (including ice cream and cookies), referring to the seasoning as a gift from The Olde One.
James does not show up to practice. They materialise from a puddle of sludge at the start of every game. In spite of their strange appearance, inconsistent appearance and replacing the beloved Duende the Crabs faithful have embraced James in much the same way James has embraced Old Bay.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
Acting Career
Finn has found some renown for their roles in Baltimore's film scene. In an interview in Baltimore Horror Monthly, James stated that [sic]"[they had] been trying to get something a little less...samey. You know? My range is so much broader than roaring, flailing my arms and ripping things up. I can sing, but they never want to let the giant fish man sing. No appeal - they say. I personally think it would add some much needed depth to the character, but they never agree."
Filmography
| Year | Title | Role |
|---|---|---|
| 19██ | The Thing from the Old Bay | The Thing (from the Old Bay) |
| 19██ | Crabzilla v. The Giant Fish Man | The Giant Fish Man |
| 19██ | Crabzilla v. The Giant Fish Man 2: Wet and Wild | The Giant Fish Man |
| 20██ | Crabzilla v. The Giant Fish Man 3: Trouble At The Red Lobster | The Giant Fish Man |
| 20██ | Red Lobster Commercial ("There's a Fish Man In My Soup!") | The Average Sized Fish Man |
| 20██ | Crabzilla v. The Giant Fish Man 4: Splashing Out | The Giant Fish Man |
| 20██ | The Form Of Fluid | Romero "Fish out of Water" LeStrange |
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
Early life
Finn James grew up wandering the rivers and lakes of South America until 1962, when she was captured by the United States military and brought to a secret government laboratory in Baltimore. A short time later, James escaped the laboratory with the help of several employees and fled to the waters of the Chesapeake Bay, where she lived for several decades before being compelled by The Olde One to join The Baltimore Crabs. (see: Combs Duende)
In Film
Finn James is close personal friends with renowned filmmaker Guillermo del Toro, whose 2017 Academy Award-winning biography The Shape of Water depicts James's early experiences in Baltimore.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
Early Life
Finn James is the son of former New Amsterdam Pencil Pushers pitcher Albert James and his wife Mary. Anatomically, he is a human-sized fish. He was born in a thunderstorm in 1921 in Mary James' hometown of Limerick, Ireland. While his parents, who were quite old and retired from the splort when they had James, retired to run the local tavern, his father told him stories about his career in the olde splort of stickblall. From a young age, James always dreamed of journeying across the ocean to play, just like his father.
Albert James passed away suddenly at the age of 212, leaving the tavern in James’ care. He managed it for the next 60 years, notably pioneering a new gill-safe whiskey brand, until it was incinerated in a freak solar eclipse accident.
Blaseball Career
After the solar eclipse, James swam across the sea to Almerica, intending to retire quietly. But there, he found the Internet Blaseball League was just beginning. Even at the age of 72, he dreamed of playing a splort like his father had. For the next 3 seasons, he practiced and trained, but was never quite capable of making a team.
In Season 4, he finally managed to make the backup roster for the Baltimore Crabs, and his moment finally came when Combs Duende was incinerated in Season 4 Game 63. James still struggles with baserunning, batting, and defense on account of his fins instead of hands and feet. However this does not seem to impact his pitching performance, as his flashing scales can often distract opposing hitters.
Personality
Crabs fans have described James as a "loud-mouthed, salty sea creature" and a "whiskey-loving Irish fish with an impressive catalog of swear words" with equal levels of endearment and exasperation. His thick accent is quite impenetrable for most Almerican fans. This is not because he is Irish, but because he is a fish and has no lips to enunciate with.
James seems to enjoy life in the City on the Oldest Bay, and can often be spotted taking swims in the dark waters of Baltimore Harbor between games, dodging trash and moon jellies.
Or that least that's how Finn tells it.
