Finn James/IF-1.2017

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Finn James at their Rumor Registry.

Conflicting Reports

Finn James’ origins are a highly disputed topic among both Crabs fans and local Baltimore citizens. This is not helped by James’ insistence on explaining their origins to anyone who asks, and always giving wildly different answers. When confronted on this topic they simply responded that “it’s all true, especially the parts that can’t be”.

With that in mind this is a collection of stories James has told about their origins at different times - You can either refresh the page to see a new one, or simply visit the collection to see them all

History

Finn James was first witnessed as a school of 23-28 privately educated fish of various species by Chlarles Dlarwin in 1834. Since these humble beginnings James has grown into a school of 24-29 privately educated fish of various species, almost all of which have now completed their PHDs. Due to each PHD being awarded for Splort Astrology, James is unfortunately both overqualified and under qualified for all employment, and has spent much of their life explaining this issue to others. They were awarded an additional doctorate in 2007 for their tireless work in the field of Regretting Their Education.

Blaseball Career

Finn James was summoned to the Blaseball field for the Baltimore Crabs during Season 4, Game 63. Despite very literally being fish out of water, they made a valiant effort to play the splort. In the post-game interview they stated that they were "honestly, just happy to finally have a job", before attempting to guess the interviewer's star sign, loudly exclaiming "I knew it!", despite having made 11 incorrect guesses.

Or that least that's how Finn tells it.

Career with the Crabs

Despite the many stories James tells of their origins, one thing quickly became obvious to the Baltimore Crabs - Finn James very much enjoyed the splort of blaseball. While it was well known that “Finn James wins games” their reputation never quite reached the intensity of their teammate Brock Forbes nor did their strategic prowess. James did however take the opportunity to set themselves up in what became known as the “pitchers apartment” shared by Forbes, Adalberto Tosser and occasionally Tillman Henderson. James was often said to have simply let themselves in one day and taken up residence in the spare bathroom, refusing to leave and driving up the water bill. James did however keep up with the Crab’s reputation - being among the only players to pitch a perfect game in the Discipline Era, and helping the Crabs arrive at ascension in Season 10.

After Ascension

In the time after ascension Finn James had cemented themselves as a core member of the Baltimore Crabs, and a part of this involved taking up a leadership role with the Crab’s varied pitchers, guiding practice and dolling out tips for their teammates, especially after the loss of the Crabs other original pitchers, Adalberto Tosser and Brock Forbes.

James’ teaching style was said to consist mostly of telling other players to throw “like this” which garnered a mixed reaction from their pupils. Parker Parra seemed to enjoying using these practices to throw pitches “so far away from the strike zone that it's in danger of beaning the on-deck batter”. Lorcan Smaht was able to follow along well until eir alternation, at which point ey joined teammate Axel Campbell in describing the practices as “basically useless”. Alston Cerveza however stood out as one of James’ fans, fondly recounting the story of going to James for advice before his debut game as a pitcher, and having James simply tell him how to pitch a perfect game; which he then proceeded to do. Neither Campbell or Smaht were available for comment after the event.

Despite Montgomery Bullock’s brief return to the team, they were content to let James keep their position as pitching coach as “they seemed like they were having a lot of fun with it”.

The Event Horizon

As the end of the era drew closer, James found themselves reaching out to the newer members of the team to help them deal with the stress of their impending transition into whatever was coming next. Being a veteran of ascension, it was something that they were both equipped to handle and eager to help with. While team captain Kennedy Loser was there to supply the quiet reassurance he could carry, James was able to lend a hand with more lighthearted antics and diversions. Lorcan Smaht in particular appreciated James’ willingness to let the big issues lie as they helped em through eir alternation, and the trade of eir sibling Trinity Smaht.

When the Blackhole (blackhole) came for the Crabs, James made sure they could greet it with no regrets.