Engine Eberhardt/Rumor Registry
Rumors
Engine Eberhardt has 2 Rumors written about so far.
Engine Eberhardt/IF-1667
The waters beyond this point are uncharted, tales from distant shores echoed back into our reality.
Background
The following accounts can be traced to a single leather-bound journal originally found in a locked wooden chest alongside a sextant-like device of indeterminate origin and a shell that matches no known species of mollusc. The chest was located in a storage room in the Legscraper’s lower levels that was described as “smelling faintly of the sea”. Subsequent attempts to locate and navigate to said room have been unsuccessful thus far. The journal details the exploits of the crew of a large sailing vessel, The Tokyo Adrift, descriptions of which are largely consistent with mid-17th century galleons.
With The Tokyo Adrift
Following a particular harrowing voyage in which large swathes of the ship’s timber was damaged by wood eating organisms, Engine Eberhardt was recruited to The Tokyo Adrift. Initially intended to be a temporary hire contracted to quickly patch up the damage, he was employed full time by the captain, both due to his expertise in outfitting vessels to sustain the adverse conditions of the Immateria Seas and at his own insistence after becoming enamoured with the three-mast ship. Over the next leg of the Adrift’s journey, Eberhardt displayed a startling proficiency at ship repair, even while said ship was still on the move. By the time the Adrift was ready to leave the next harbour, Eberhardt had: fully repaired the wood damage, replaced the kelp ridden rudder, fitted the ship with a small trawling net that allowed the water dwelling crew to ride along with the ship, refitted the fore and mizzen masts with sails of his own design, made several accessibility changes to the main and lower decks and given the ship a fresh paint job (claims that the stripes painted on its side “made it go faster” are unsupported by empirical evidence). Captain Strongbody promptly appointed him as the full-time boatswain for the Adrift.
Eberhardt’s modifications would turn out to be pivotal in assisting the crew weather the events of 1667. The improved sails and rudder gave the ship a much needed speed boost and bought the crew enough time to escape the [REDACTED] at least until Captain Strongbody was able to [REDACTED]. The last page of the journal is smeared with some form of pitch, likely used in the waterproofing of seafaring vessels, obscuring the ultimate fate of the redesigned ship and its crew.Engine Eberhardt/IF-69.19
Background
Engine Eberhardt is an accomplished glitch hunter, speedrunner, and theoretical physicist[1]. He currently holds the world record in the “any%” category of 82 unique video games, and has submitted over 1,000 runs of various games to online leaderboards. He’s most well known for his innovative way of playing blaseball, where he applies various speedrunning tricks on the field. In practice, this often means baserunning at impossible speeds, avoiding defensive players via hitbox manipulation, and abusing broken physics objects to get hits.
Prior to joining Lift’s shadows, Eberhardt had no background in blaseball, and instead was interested in track-and-field. He claims that he joined the team on accident after an experiment using scripted momentum launched him straight into The Legscraper faster than it could render, trapping him in the shadows. At that point, he found himself on a dark, empty blaseball field, and with nothing else to do, began to optimize the time it took him to run the bases until his release from the shadows.
Though he’s never used them, Eberhardt claims that, during his time in the shadows, he discovered exploits that would make blaseball completely unplayable, such as one that would give the offense infinite runs. When asked by one reporter, he explained that he avoids those techniques to maintain the integrity of the game. “After all,” he said, “guys like me doing stuff like that ruins it for everyone. What’s the point if I’m the only one having fun?”
Transfer to the Steaks
After several seasons on the Lift, Eberhardt became curious about opportunities on other teams. He eventually signed up for an exchange program and expressed interest in the Dallas Steaks, because of their car-dad team culture. He and Cory Ross agreed to a year-long exchange with one another.Eberhardt spent its year in Dallas learning about American culture and American cars. It became friends with fellow car enthusiast Dickerson Morse, who taught Eberhardt about car dad culture, and with Kline Greenlemon, who liked spending time with Eberhardt as it practiced its speedrunning technique. Greenlemon, despite being in a state of quantum flux, made a point of being small enough to sit on Eberhardt’s shoulder as often as possible.
Return to the Lift
At the end of Eberhardt’s year-long exchange, he returned to Tokyo. Greenlemon decided to also go to Tokyo, wanting new experiences. The two of them introduced the rest of the Lift to country music. In Season 20, Eberhardt had 29 different walk-up songs, all of which were country music.Eberhardt also spoke in English in interviews for the first time, with a distinct Texan accent. It got in the habit of shouting “git along, little doggy!” whenever someone hit a home run and ran the bases, and called reporters “pardner” mid-conversation, even in interviews where he spoke Japanese. Concerned teammates called Cory Ross, who said that the Steaks didn’t intentionally teach Eberhardt any of that. The origins of Eberhardt’s accent remain mysterious. When a brave reporter asked about it, Eberhardt mimed lassoing them like cattle and then walked away. No reporters have asked since.
Transfer to the Steaks (Again)
After just one year back in Tokyo, Eberhardt was contacted by former teammate Knight Triumphant, who wanted to continue their league-wide mission. Eberhardt agreed to return to the Steaks so that Triumphant could spend time with the Lift. He spent the next two seasons in Dallas, this time alongside Ross, who helped Eberhardt learn to become more dad-like. It also befriended Leach Herman, who tried to teach it to do speedrunning tricks while wearing chaps, spurs, and a cowboy hat. Eberhardt reported the most problems with the spurs, saying that “they threw me off my game,” but figured it out with help from Herman.Eberhardt also spent two years attempting to introduce the Steaks to Beef Wings; the results of these experiments are in a legally sealed court document. When asked, the Steaks say that they don’t remember what Beef Wings are. It’s unclear if this is because of the court settlement or because of the nature of the Beef Wings themselves.
Return to the Lift (Again)
Triumphant eventually indicated that they wanted to return to the Steaks, and a slightly-homesick Eberhardt agreed. Eberhardt spent the remainder of the Expansion Era with the Lift. This time, when it returned, it was excited to announce a newfound passion for square dancing. Once again, all the Steaks refused to claim responsibility for this trend. Herman, however, proudly claimed his role in Engine’s new cowboy-inspired fashion sense. Teammates were split on whether the cowboy hats and four spurs per boots were an improvement over Eberhardt’s previous fashion sense.Some lasting effects of Eberhardt’s time in Texas became gradually clear. Eberhardt enjoyed grilling, and regularly gathered the team for team meals. This companionship became even more important as the end of the Expansion Era approached, as a way of keeping the Lift together. Also, he kept the Texan accent. If anything, the accent got stronger after the second trip to Dallas.
During Season 24, Eberhardt used its video game speedrunning prowess to help find shortcuts as the team navigated towards the Horizon. It stayed in touch with the Steaks as they navigated towards the Vault, but ended up focusing its time and energy on its current teammates, including helping a recently-redacted-and-attracted Frankie Incarnate adjust to being on the Lift.
Personal Life
Eberhardt is close friends with Ayanna Dumpington and Goodwin Morin for their similarly fast-paced lifestyles, and occasionally bonds with Silvaire Semiquaver and Cudi Di Batterino over their time in the shadows. In his free time, Eberhardt has been known to time himself running the bases, trying to find new ways to exploit reality and improve his time. He still regularly posts speedrun attempts of various games to the internet.
- ↑ Eberhardt technically never studied physics, but once he claimed that he could “theoretically be a physicist”. No one could argue with that, so he was given a Ph.D. on the spot.
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