Denzel Scott/IF-86.988

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Denzel Scott has become internationally recognised for being the most frequently overlooked player in the Houston Spies, if not the entire league. Scott's reputation for lacking a reputation began at a young age, as they were notorious for being forgotten with an alarming frequency.[1] Capitalising on this local fame, Scott joined the Houston Spies to demonstrate their other great talent—Blaseball playing. They, alongside Math Velazquez, were, ironically, one of the Spies' worst pitchers until both received replacement elbows.

Because of a Season 9, Day 52 Reverb event, both became hitters, where they have performed well. Scott’s Blaseball playing also granted them the opportunity to demonstrate their incredible forgettability on a national stage.

Over the course of their career, Scott has managed to become one of the splort's most recognisable stars by being its least recognisable star. In fact, during the Season 6 election, Scott was so forgettable that, even though they were obviously the least idolized player in the league, their teammate Howell Franklin was chosen by the blessing instead. When asked about coming in second place for being the most overlooked, Scott said, “No, I wouldn’t say I’m bitter. But people have a thing, you know? And mine is being the most forgettable. Guess I just never expected to come in second at that.”

Denzel Scott has a normal personal life—perfectly average, in fact. They are 52 years old, with a bachelor's degree in business management, a loving spouse, exactly 2.5 children, and a two-bedroom house in eastern Houston built in the late 1970s, 26.1 minutes away from the Spies stadium. They are so aggressively normal that they seem to have built up an inexplicable immunity to the supernatural, eldritch, weird, or otherwise interesting abilities of other Blaseball players.

Documented examples include:

  • Complimenting the eye color of Math Velazquez, despite the fact that Math is a metaphysical construct of the entire mathematical discipline, and therefore does not have a face.
  • Reporting no memory of having raised Son Scotch, but treating them as one of Scott's 2.5 children anyway, since according to them, "It's only polite".
  • Always recognizing and warmly greeting Reese Clark despite Reese’s ever-changing appearance, which often ruins a perfectly good stakeout.
  • Scott always accurately pronounces the otherwise indecipherable growl that is the name of the demon Marco Escobar summoned.
  • Recognizing the true nature of Collins Melon, thereby prompting Collins to offer Scott a lifetime supply of (thankfully non-sentient) melons to secure their silence.
  • Upon meeting Boyfriend Monreal, Scott politely rejected their advance and was quoted saying “Sorry, I have my weekly date night with my partner in a little bit, can’t chat.”

If there are more examples of this singular phenomenon, they have likely been forgotten, along with so much else about the famously obscure Denzel Scott.

Scott's existence, and the facts of their condition, are the closest that we likely will ever get to proof positive of the Spies' spying. Logic dictates that they are one of the team's greatest assets, and would be a treasure trove of information about the Spies' covert activities, if only the team would officially recognize that Scott exists at all.


Scott is a very responsible, polite, and kind person. They often do the dishes without being asked, pay their bills early, and keep the bathrooms at Spies HQ sparklingly clean. They also always offer to serve as the designated driver. Scott is so responsible and polite that it seems to manifest in strange ways. When others misplace something, Scott always finds it in the first place they look. When at the store, they always manage to find one more item of whatever they’re looking for, even if the store claims to be out of that item.

  1. Scott, Denzel. Pay Attention but Do Not Pay Attention to Me, Unsuspicious Houston Publishing Co., 2020, 38 p., ISBN 2-1-14-7-2-1-14-7.