Blood Hamburger/IF-87.998

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Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Blood Hamburger at their Rumor Registry.


WARNING There have been reports of individuals suffering adverse effects (memory loss, feelings of dread, unexplained bleeding) after studying Blood Hamburger for too long. Proceed with caution!

Hamburger is an unassuming figure, reminiscent of that classic 70s-era blaseball player everyone knows and loves. Some witnesses find their lack of eyebrows and fingernails unsettling, while others squirm at their too-sharp smile, or complain that they "look sort of squishy". Most agree that Hamburger is “pretty normal, I think”.

It is rumoured that Hamburger is actually made of raw meat, dripping with blood that spreads and oozes and oh god where is it coming from These claims are difficult to verify as the blood pouring from the witnesses’ eyes may have obscured their vision, and accounts vary wildly after blinking or looking away. These conflicts in appearance are reported more often just before Hamburger is up to bat. In one particularly disturbing account, “their human form just sloughed off, leaving a formless mass of bloody raw hamburger meat with eyes”.

Other Shoe Thieves players have mentioned similar encounters. Esme Ramsey notably said:

"Hamburger? Great guy, nice as heck and what a swing. Couldn't ask for a better teammate than 'ol Bloody Burger. Though you don't want to stare at him too long, or the, y'know. You've seen it? The blood.  Leaking out everywhere. Like a rusty bucket finally giving way. Like a river. an the sky is an ocean of blood, and...and it's gonna start raining. It's--i mean, you've seen that, right?  It's just, ol' Hamburger. Great guy."


Hamburger has been described as “kind of boring”, mostly owing to their conversations revolving around the weather, laundry, and blaseball tactics. They have been working on the same blood soaked 1,000,000-piece puzzle for several years. It is difficult to determine Hamburger’s diet. They claim to be vegan, and yet several people have seen them tearing into raw meat, moustache dripping with blood. So much blood, oh god- how can there be this much blood?