Blastardball (known informally as Bastardball) is an obscure splort played in several high schools across Europe and North America. The game is played with two teams of thirteen players, and has been compared to blaseball, sloccer, mixed mlartial arts, ice hlockey, and the Friday the 13th film franchise.
The splort is named for the "poor unlucky blastard", the smallest player on each team, who is used as the ball. It is also named for the unmitigated blastardry that is encouraged during play. Points are scored by throwing, blasting, or threatening the enemy team's poor unlucky blastard into their own goal. No points are granted for inflicting grievous bodily harm on your opponents, but it is still encouraged. Games end when one team are completely incapacitated, or when a team's poor unlucky blastard begins crying and goes home.
The most common composition for a Blastardball team is:
- 1 Poor Unlucky Blastard (ball)
- 1 Goalkeeper (backfield)
- 2 Volleyers (front/midfield)
- 2 Defenders (mid/backfield)
- 2 Pitchforkers (front/midfield)
- 1 Rifleman (backfield)
- 2 Mortar Squad (backfield)
- 2 Trenchdiggers (front/mid/backfield)
But teams are allowed to distribute players into whatever roles they see fit, as long as they have exactly one poor unlucky blastard.
Blastardball has been outlawed in several countries, and is condemned by the Geneva Conventions as "the most pointlessly cruel splort in existence".