Beat Reporter

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The Beat Reporter is a being that first appeared in Season 1 of Blaseball. Throughout the season it would give recaps of what occurred throughout the season via Messages. The Beat Reporter is likely related to The Blaseball Beat.


Season 1

7 games into Season 1, the Beat Reporter sent a message via the message tab.

Season 1 is underway and Fans are reaping immediate Returns! Here are the Top 3 Headlines through the first 7 Games!
1. The Black Hole that burped out the new Blaseball universe has only continued to toss important matters, revealing everything from Player Star Ratings to a seemingly NEW Redistribute Wealth Decree. What new horror will the Horizon belch into existence tomorrow?
2. In our Weather update, Star Players are falling into Play. Kaj Murphy crashed into Tokyo Lift star Natha Spruce, replacing Spruce in the Lineup and bumping them from the home run race.
3. Speaking of League Leaders, only 2 Teams remain undefeated through the first 7 Games -- the Breath Mints and the Wild Wings. Which beloved franchise will set the NEW ILB win streak?
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

The Beat Reporter then proceeded to send a message at the end of each day recapping what had happened.

We're a third of the way through the Regular Season and seeing some massive Returns! Here are the Top 3 Headlines from Day 2.
1. After belching out the NEW Redistribute Wealth Decree on Day 1, the Black Hole burped out a second (and surely final) choice -- NEW Relegation. Will Fans share in the Season Champion's riches or offer a mandatory rebuild to the League's lowest?
2. More inclement Weather as star Players continue to crash into Play. 24 beloved names have fallen so far, 3 of which used other Players to break their landings.
3. Will anyone be able to throw some mild sauce on the Wild Wings? The League-leading Wild Wings swept the 2nd place Georgias to establish themselves as the clear Internet Series favorites. Mexico City looks unstoppable, but the there's a lot of Season left.
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

We're more than halfway through the Regular Season and the Return(s) keep coming! Here are the Top 3 Headlines from Day 3.
1. The Black Hole appears to have called an electoral mulligan, belching out a NEW Open the Forbidden Book Decree alongside NEW Redistribute Wealth and NEW Relegation. Longtime Blaseball Fans may remember opening the Forbidden Book back in Season 1. What will Fans choose in Season 1?
2. In a shocking move, ILB Commissioner and Legal Notary Parker MacMillan IIIII appears to have taken a side in the debate over the Forbidden Decree, taking to official league channels to urge Voters to "do it again."
3. Inclement weather continues to plague the ILB, as a total of 29 Star Players have crashed back into Play. The whereabouts of all but 6 remain unknown.
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

With the race for the Postseason heating up, here are the Top 3 Headlines from Day 4.
1. The Tokyo Lift set the NEW* Party Time Speedrun Record, arriving first to the Party after only 69 Games! As of this writing, the Lift are holding firm at the bottom of the Standings. Will we see NEW* Relegation pass at the impending Election, sending the Lift a parting gift? Don't forget to #Vote!
2. A Pitcher's duel between the LA Unlimited Tacos and San Francisco Lovers went 26 Innings, setting the NEW* record for longest game in ILB history.
3. The Wild Wings clinched their spot in the Postseason tournament and show no sign of cooling off! Having only given up 9 Losses as of this writing, the NEW* Regular Season Record seems all but guaranteed!
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

Offseason 1

Towards the end of the offseason the Beat Reporter reappeared with a recap of Season 1.

Season 1 is in the Books! Let’s take a look at what happened in Blaseball’s return:

  • The Charleston Shoe Thieves beat the powerhouse Mexico City Wild Wings to steal the Season 1 Championship!
  • Fans voted to open the Forbidden Book (again?), resulting in chaos and the arrival of a menacing Crew of Umpires.
  • The Umpires arrived and heralded a coming Tournament of Champions. Who will be crowned the new Ace of Blaseball at the Coronation Era’s end?


  • The Wild Wings had a historic Season 1, going 78-12, but they couldn’t quite close it out.
  • In addition to the Wings, the Mints, the Georgias, and the Sunbeams won their Divisions in the first opportunity since the new League formed.
  • Anastasia Isarobot of the Wild Wings led the League in Pitching Strikeouts, with 207. Anastasia Isarobot dominated the pitching leaderboards all Season—until their untimely death following the opening of the Forbidden Book.


  • In Horizon Weather, the Black Hole burped out Players from Blaseball’s past.
  • Some falling Players crashed into the Field, seeming to disappear as quickly as they’d arrived.
  • Other Players were unexpectedly knocked out of their Team’s Lineup and replaced when falling Players crashed into them.
  • Nine Players fell and crashed into others: Kaj Murphy, Carter O’connor, Malik Destiny, Mindy Salad, Siobhan Chark, Badgerson Stromboli, Bees Gorczyca, Jefferson de la Cruz, and Yusef Puddles.
  • Fifty-eight Players fell in total.


  • The Black Hole burped out a handful of NEW Decree options for Fans to Vote on. The three options were echoes of the original Discipline Era’s Season 1 Decrees but with NEW spins.
  • The Fans voted to Open the Forbidden Book with 62% of the Vote, resulting in a handful of chaotic events, including the incineration of star Pitcher Anastasia Isarobot.
  • Also a result of the Book opening, Breckenridge broke! Much like the Hellmouth that gave us the Hellmouth Sunbeams, Breckenridge buckled and the Team relocated. Now, say hello to the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands!
  • After the Book was opened, a Crew of Umpires appeared and heralded a coming Tournament of Champions. They stated that the Tournament was instated to name a new Ace, to fill the Power Vacuum left behind following the previous Era’s conclusion.
  • The Umpires also announced the name of the new Blaseball Era: the Coronation Era.

Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

Season 2

5 days into Season 2, the Beat Reporter posted a report covering Zephyr McCloud.

We're 5 Game Days into Season 2 and one Player has already been quite busy.
Zephyr McCloud Can't Lose--a Curse given by the Bard Umpire in the Season 1 Election.
At the end of any Game where Zephyr McCloud's Team win would have lost, they jump ship to the winning Team. So far they've jumped 3 times, from the Tigers to the Lift to the Tigers to the Lift. Where will they end up at Season's end? How long will this Curse last?
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

Around 8 games into Season 2, the Beat Reporter posted a summary of that real-life day.

With the first day of the new Season coming to a close, Fans can't help but ask "how's the weather over there?" With four new weathers taking the League by storm, here are 3 of the top headlines of Day 1.
1. With the Umpires bringing four new Weather to the League, Players find themselves fielding all sorts of strange happenings. Vaquita Magno earned the favor of the Mage Umpire, while Winnie Hess of the Ohio Worms parried a Knight Umpire's swear! Alternates have been called, but will we see an incineration before day's end?
2. The Umpire Crew also brought some class to the Election ballot, asking Fans to choose a Crew Chief. Will Fans go for the true blue Rogue Umpire or elect a newcomer to head the next Season?
3. Last Season's Champions, the Charleston Shoe Thieves, were wrecked by the Atlantis Georgias in a recent game. Anticipated All-Star Derrick Krueger gave up 14 runs, despite their outstanding stats coming into the League. Can Krueger right the ship and make the Thieves a shoe-in for this Postseason?
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter

During Day 72 Beat reporter sent a message recaping Chambers Simmons finding a Heart on Day 71.

Out of the four Players Knighted so far by the mysterious Knight Ump, Chambers Simmons of the Seattle Garages is the first to send word from a Quest! While their team was losing 13-1 to the Georgias, Simmons reportedly found “a Heart” and felt “renewed.” ILB Commissioner Parker MacMillan IIIII was among the eagle-eyed few to notice that Simmons is now a 5.5 Star Batter, Tweeting “wait what? five and a half?” on the official ILB account. Will other Knighted Players meet similar fates? What agenda are these Umps pursuing? Which Ump will receive your #VOTE to become the next Crew Chief in the Season’s election?
Avatar beat reporter.png @beat_reporter