Beasley Day/Rumor Registry

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Beasley Day has 4 Rumors written about so far.

Beasley Day/IF-13.37

Beasley Day, middling blaseball player and unsuccessful streamer

Beasley Day is a video game streamer and hitter for the Pies. Though she is better known for her role as the latter, her identity is clearly more based around the former, and she views blaseball as a side gig or hobby. Most of her views come from fans of her blaseball career, though they rarely subscribe given the poor recording quality, poor interactions with viewers, and poor gameplay. She will frequently tell viewers the times that she will be streaming live, but promptly forget those times, alienating whatever fans she might have had.

The Worst Beasley Day of Her Life

One day, Day was mid-stream when Farrell Seagull crashed through her window in a barely-controlled dive, spraying shards of glass and grey-brown feathers just absolutely everywhere, like those of the Dunnock (also known as a ‘hedge sparrow’, a small bird with unusual breeding habits).

“Oh no no no, what the hell are you doing?” screamed Beasley, backing away as Farrell thrashed wildly on the floor, absolutely goddamn shredding the cables she had collided with. “Farrell, Farrell, what the hell! You broke my window!” repeated Beasley as Farrell righted herself awkwardly, erratically preening her feathers. She eyed the terrified Beasley beadily, letting out a quiet “wark-wark” warning call, before turning her mind to her favorite pastime: theft, which Beasley would have known if she’d talked to any of her teammates for like, more than a minute, because Farrell would have been described as “the least sexy cryptid imaginable” by Philly Pies Hamilton stan Lang Richardson, or “ow”,“what the hell, man”,”where’d my BMX go” by the late Jessica Telephone.

Farrell began rummaging through Beasley’s belongings, snatching and swallowing anything shiny or interesting she spotted. She would pellet those out later, like an owl, hawk, or heron once she got back to her nest. Her nest, by the way, was a large wattle and daub platform hidden in the rafters of the Tastykake stadium constructed of stolen baseball bats, spit, and other stolen materials (like Beasley day’s HDMI cables or Telephone’s skateboards), and was largely left alone by everyone involved with the stadium out of absolute fear and / or absolute ignorance.

“Hey! Hey, stop that!” pleaded Beasley, waving her branded gaming gloves at Farrell as she moved to stop her cracking open and disemboweling original VHS copies of Sailor Moon. “Those were expensive! Please! I need them as background props, for my streams!” hollered Beasley. “God damn! F**k!”. Beasley couldn’t cuss, because it affected her hypothetical ad revenue.

Farrell, now thoroughly wrapped in VHS tape and having determined that it wasn’t edible fixed her horrid little eyes on Beasley, and proceeded to scream like a baby bird opening its beaks really wide and screaming at its parent for food, but in a really mocking manner. Then she said some curse words in a bird language that Day didn’t understand and ruffled her feathers, emitting a massive cloud of dust and diatomaceous earth.

Beasley, reaching her absolute limit, hurled a small figurine of a busty catgirl (given to her by Nic Mora) at Farrell, which exploded into a cloud of plastic maid outfit and Farrell feathers, causing Farrell to shriek more half-learnt curse words and leap back out the window, grabbing one of Beasley’s monitors in her powerful claws on the way, instantly making it more of a collectors item to blaseball fans.

Beasley’s apartment never recovered, and she soon moved in with Mora, even though she didn’t really want to because Mora’s kind of awful, but on the plus side it also meant Farrell never bothered her again. Farrell, on the other wing, warbled happily from her nest for the next few days before she decided to ruin someone elses life.

Beasley Day/IF-23.55

Good Boy, Good Activism

Beasley Day was originally recruited by the late Mickey Woods, who found them wandering the streets of Philly and brought him to her first practice with the team. The comradery he had with Woods seemed to bring out a strong desire for social justice and progressive change.

The players who know Beasley well, particularly those players who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, always reiterate that Beasley is the best ally they’ve ever met. While not a member of the community himself, being a dog, Day is constantly cited as involved in a variety of progressive causes. He also champions gun control, and lead the push to remove the Pienitentiary during the IBL’s prison abolition movement.

(It should be noted, Beasley was a proponent of the movement before it gained mainstream traction, due to his close relationship to Mickey Woods, but he wasn’t given a platform to express this until that point)

Day’s communication with other players and flans ranges from regular barking, to fully understandable, but he’s only been heard actually speaking English once. When the Philadelphia police were trying to launch a new PR campaign, they approached the Pies requesting that they be allowed to make Day an honorary canine unit. Beasley said with all three heads in perfect English, “ACAB,” then left and disappeared into the Underhot.

All of the current Philadelphia canine units were released that night by an unknown figure, and were reportedly rehabilitated on a mass scale. Some reports of increased canine activity within the Underhot have been made, along with a sudden influx of dogs that were prime candidates for adoption and service/emotional support animal programs. However you can’t prove anything, what are you, a cop? Its also impossible to tie the fact that all Philadelphia dogs suddenly and inexplicably became near impossible to train for police work to anyone associated with the Pies, so don’t even bother trying.

Beasley Day/IF-38.259

Movie Star Good Boy

Continuing the tradition of Pies’ participation in cinema, Day is an incredibly prominent canine movie star. He stared in a Woodman original movie, called Top Dog, written by roommates Lang Richardson and Ruslan Greatness.

In the movie he wore three pairs of mirrored sunglasses and a custom crafted suit and tie. The movie won tons of awards, due to Beasley’s performance and the amazing plot, written by Lang. Lang refused to write dog related puns, so he put down placeholders where Ruslan would write the jokes. Although it resulted in grammatical inconsistencies, the puns were the funniest thing ever written. Many sources said that the jokes were not intentional, and Ruslan was just filling in the natural dialogue.

The plot of the movie is: All of the Pies work for a secret agency called P.I.E. (Philadelphia Intel Examination), where they try to uncover mysteries and stop nasty crime guys. Yusef Puddles hacks into space and sees that the moon's evil twin "The Noom" is attempting to enter Earth's atmosphere to end all blaseball.

In the end, the pies beat the noom by using the power of friendship. It ends with a cliffhanger where Yusef hacks into the Noom and sees that the noom was under the coin's payroll. Since this movie takes place in between the s14 finals and the election, Jessica Telephone skates into the P.I.E. headquarters and says "Heard you guys pies need some help" in a post credits scene. The movie was instantly renewed for a sequel.

The US government refused to help supply military equipment and funding for the film, because they were uncertain where P.I.E. fit into the US armed services. When the concern was raised, reportedly, all of Beasley’s heads barked continuously until they left. All required funding was skimmed of the top of the My Roomie Ruslan Reboot’s crowdfunding, with the promise the money would be returned after the inevitable box office success.

In addition, Beasley has gone on to play every single dog in the Jlohn Wick series, assisted by CGI. He has also done extensive mo-cap work for canine video game characters. Rumors of a Beasley day cameo in My Roomie Ruslan season ten have been circulating since the season’s announcement, but everyone involved has remained tight lipped up until this point.

Beasley Day/IF-74.414

Being a Good Boy

Beasley Day takes the form of a dog and is roughly four years old. Day has been the catcher for the Philly Pies ever since it was decided that there ain't no rule a dog can't play Blaseball. He is shaped as a friend and someone you can rely on. Despite his youth, he has been described as a good boi, and has been critical to the Pies' victories at several points in Blaseball history. All Blaseball fans agree on one thing: "If you don't love Beasley Day, are you really a fan of Blaseball?"

On Pies game days, Beasley is often seen chasing the Philadelphia Philling under the grandstands of Tastykake Stadium.


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