Axel Trololol/Rumor Registry
Axel Trololol has 3 Rumors written about so far.
Axel Trololol and Moist Talkers pitcher PolkaDot Patterson have been longtime friends since their days together throwing for the Breath Mints. As both of them have become maxed out pitchers, and the two most fingerful players in blaseball, they arrange to meet up yearly in the postseason to have a friendly thumb war with one another.
Most people know the rules for a thumb war, but they only play with one thumb each. With every added thumb, the game becomes vastly more complicated, and with as many thumbs as these two have, a single game of thumb war spills out over about a week, and is an incredibly dramatic affair with highs and lows that bring most viewers to tears. The thumb war between the two is often streamed live for fans across the world to see, and the community that formed around it has delved deep into optimal thumb strategies for both sides, creating pages upon pages of fanwork telling the story of every battlescarred finger as it crawls across the trenches, commentating live as fingers, writhing in bloodlust, destroy one another, are born, live, and die on the endless battlefield of fingers.Fingers are often grouped into battalions, and subgrouped into companies, though Axel or PolkaDot have both entertained switching fingers up across division lines to finagle an underhanded flank against the other. Subcommunities form around each battalion and sometimes around certain individual fingers and follow their personal stories, even though they are not subject to the machinations of the hands that play the game and only their consequence. Much of the lore around these digits can be found on the Thumb War Wiki.
There are those who hold great power, who wield such power without understanding, unaware of the gravity of their strength or its consequences. They become a danger to themselves and others through ignorance.
Axel Trololol is a different kind of danger. He understands the gravity of his power. He doesn't care.
Team interviews with the Firefighters have had Axel described as "a cannon with a lit fuse, who defers to his teammates' judgment on which direction to be aimed." He appeared quite proud at the description, and followed up with "the trigger was pulled a long time ago." When asked about Axel's relationship to the team after season 6, Kennedy Loser replied, "I think there's a sense of cosmic irony to it all, that we, the crustiest, most bastard team in the league, are tasked to play moral compass to a friggin' nuke. We love Axel, we're glad to have him, blessed even! But it's a little scary sometimes, to stand between him and his goals. We're doubly blessed, then, to be on his good side."
Those goals are still quite murky in the eyes of the public, but given Axel's perpetual tango with chaos, escalation, and immense power, it is practically routine to find him at the heart of any storm that brews over the league.
Nobody is entirely certain of Axel's origins, whether it was an incantation or possession gone wrong, or the forbidden love between a demon and a truck. The earliest written record of him was a newspaper report, "[he's] a toddler, tailed and toothy, breaking and entering into auto body and machine shops throughout Charleston." He was eventually captured and made a ward of the state.
"Happy-go-lucky" was a phrase used to describe him since his earliest days. He often got in fights at the group home, according to employee interviews, coming back inside with missing milkteeth and black eyes smiling like he doesn't even notice. Even in the worst of circumstance, Axel has always just been happy to be here.
Reports state that Axel and sibling Stu Trololol were inseparable as kids, and were eventually adopted together. When asked about Axel's early life, Stu deflected, saying "it was a rough time for both of us. We looked out for each other...the rest isn't my place to say." Both were scouted for blaseball early on, pitching in the local underleagues and forming a friendly rivalry of sorts, that Stu has repeatedly said she doesn't really care about as much as the excuse to spend time with her brother. Axel was kicked out of his team due to allegations of using Nitrous Oxide while pitching, though the investigation was quickly swept under the rug. He did make it to the Internet League, however, by moving to Kansas City because their insurance plan would cover his constant cybernetic surgeries.
Axel has continually sought radical self modifications throughout his tenure in the Internet League. He believes that restriction breeds creativity, and has encased himself in layers of chassis, hydraulic limbs, entire additional vehicles of various make, and so on, so that he may think up ways to overcome every obstacle he puts before himself. He explained in interviews that he has replaced every shred of vestigial flesh with machine, "restraints to contain his intrinsic power." Even though his original body is completely gone, even with his entire physical form designed to hinder himself with a malice, he still cannot be contained, and the body yet moves. And moves fast.
Despite being one of the highest ranked pitchers in the league, he is actually ranked very low in strikeout percentage, as he enjoys the art of making esoteric lobs at the batter to gauge their reactions, "just to see what will happen." Batting against Trololol has been described as less a test of skill and more a complex psychological war across the no-man's-land of his throwing range. Even batters who get walked often feel like they somehow lost that war. They trudge to first with shoulders slumped and eyes staring into space, and break down into tears on the plate.
When Axel was first spared from shelling after season 6, ranking just beneath the deciding line on the idol board, he was reportedly excited for the future of blaseball. "Up until now, the only person who could stop me has been myself," he said, "this prison may be the only thing that could pose a challenge to me, and I intend to try." The following season, fans treated his trajectory towards the peanut as inevitable, and strove to work around him to conduct the Snackrifice, rather than fight him head on. Since then, Axel has, as far as can be observed, been successfully restrained. When asked for comment, the Baltimore Crabs have repeated the belief that he is probably having the time of his life in there trying to think up ways to break free of the shell, plotting how to completely dismantle everything standing in his way in whatever way feels most interesting to him.
"It's more of a time bomb, wondering what ideas have been brewing in his head without us to temper them. Without a guiding hand to keep him from doing serious damage. I'm just glad he's still here and didn't get poached by another team again. We're used to him, you know? I don't know if I could trust another team to know all the best ways to guide him in the right direction. He's been agreeable, he's always agreeable, you know? Happy-go-lucky Axel just here to have a chill time and try new things, but...I just hope when he comes out of there, he's just gonna still, you know, be happy to be here, with us. That the bridges we've maintained didn't fall apart all this time, and he'll be disconnected from the people who try and point him in the best direction. That he'll still see the Crabs as family like we see him."
Axel is a self-proclaimed "regular old guy". He likes cars, beer, and hanging with his pals. He has very generic features, some even claim he resembles an amalgamation of every single blaseball player overlain, despite simultaneously being a car. Axel is also known for his prehensile tail and his striking red hair. He is a member of the Flast Family from The Flast and the Flurious movie series.
Following the end of Season β2, Axel Trololol voluntarily underwent cybernetic surgery under the hands of an umpire. When asked to comment on this enhancement, Trololol said "I love cars! I am one step closer to becoming a car! Soon, I will be a car!"
Trade to Chicago Firefighters
Following the end of Season 3, Axel Trololol was stolen by the Chicago Firefighters. Axel was apparently quite pleased with this, as upon entering The Fire House, he realized his true destiny was to become not a regular car, but a firetruck. His jersey number is now Truck 62, reflecting his status as the 62nd firetruck in Chicago.
Axel repurposed his Literal Arm Cannon as a firehose that he uses to both pitch balls and spray down the crowd with Royal Crown Malort. He reportedly said "I am now closer to vehicle than I am to man! I am glad!"
Trade to Baltimore CrabsAfter the Firefighter's Season 5 championship, Axel was on cloud nine. He loved the team, but was also ready to move on. Due to some bizarre auditory feedback issues, the Gods were insisting that Axel could not be a pitcher as long as he remained on the Firefighters. After an offer to return to pitching with the Baltimore Crabs, Axel readily accepted and drove the 11 hours from Chicago to Baltimore in one sitting. Once he arrived at the beautiful waters of the Patapsco River, Axel knew he had to get out there. Now he is an amphibious truck boat, sailing free in Baltimore Harbor when he's not pitching wins. Axel reportedly said "I can never die! I am beautiful and love Blaseball! I am a water car!"
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