This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Alyssa Harrell at their Rumor Registry.
Hypothetically, "Harrell" might exist, and if she did, she would be completely justified in any hypothetical crimes she might choose to commit. Hypothetically, on the day she was hypothetically swapped with the Hawai'i Fridays' former player Dadly Bradley from whatever hypothetical team she came from before, she might have hypothetically absorbed his Dad Vibes and become the de facto second lefty hitter (after, of course, Our Lady of Perpetual Friday). This is possibly the first record of "Harrell's" non-existence, though it is hard to be sure since the record does not actually exist.
No one has ever seen, heard, touched, smelled, tasted, heard from, heard of, located, tracked, watched, spied on, sensed, felt, looked at, listened to, talked to, conversed with, or were able to discern anything about "Alyssa Harrell." Anything you might have heard about "Alyssa Harrell" is complete hearsay. It is impossible to describe "Alyssa Harrell" because she does not exist.
Notably, she has not paid taxes since 2009. This is notable because it is impossible for this information to be recorded, because she does not exist.
Harrell has not
A list of things that Harrell has not done includes, but is not limited to, the following:
- Tax evasion
- Election Fraud
- Hunting invasive species in Hawai’i
- “Time theft”
- Jailbreaking an iphone
- Base theft
- Dumping Old Bay into the Chesapeake Bay
- Prank-calling Beck Whitney and asking for "I P Freely"
- Using Terrell Bradley's email address to sign up for assorted newsletters
- Illegal gambling on croquet matches
- Skateboarding in restricted areas
- Waffle theft