Algebra Goldberg

From Blaseball Wiki


Algebra Goldberg is a shadows player for the Society Data Witches.


Official League Records

Goldberg joined Internet League Blaseball as a shadows player for the Society Data Witches during the inaugural Coffee Cup.


COMMUNITY LORE

The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Background

Goldberg was hired by SIBR as a result of a mix-up surrounding her name. In dire need of a mathematician, SIBR offered her a job mistakenly assuming that she was a mathematical entity like Math Velazquez. She now works at SIBR as a statistician despite being notoriously bad at math. When asked why they did not fire her, higher ups at the company stated, "We think she has the potential to achieve [REDACTED]." It is not known what Goldberg does on an average work day, but coworkers report that she is often seen at late hours of the night tinkering with dominoes.

She is infamous for making nonsensical graphs using Google Sheets, affectionately referred to by her coworkers as data crimes. In truth, there probably isn't enough data on them for that title to be accurate. The confusing graphs are generally assumed to be the product of Goldberg's incompetence with Google Sheets, but what she is trying to do in the first place remains unclear.

She possesses a surprising talent for making Rube Goldberg machines, which she sets up around the office to do tasks such as pour a cup of coffee or open a cabinet. When asked about this skill, she told reporters that "Rube Goldberg was [her] grandpa". This statement was later determined to be false.

Personal Relationships

According to her coworkers, Goldberg is a "lovable weirdo" and "has a really cute cat". She does not seem to be especially close with any of her colleagues, and she generally spends lunch breaks alone in her office. It is rumored that she has begun to develop a friendship with Cindy Wu, but Goldberg has stated that she does not know if they are friends or not.