Spears Taylor

From Blaseball Wiki

Spears Taylor is a lineup player for the Hawai'i Fridays. Taylor has been a member of the team since the end of Season 8. Taylor previously played for the Philly Pies.

Official League Records

Spears entered the league in Season 1 as a member of the Philly Pies.

On Season 3, Day 98, Taylor swallowed a stray peanut and suffered an allergic reaction. This lowered their rating from ★★½  to ★ .

On Season 4, Day 43, Taylor was caught in a Feedback loop and swapped teams with Jessica Telephone, changing from the Philly Pies to the Hades Tigers. Having played with the Pies during their victories in the first two season, Taylor, alongside Yazmin Mason, became one of the first two players to be on the winning team of three internet league championships. This title would have gone to Telephone had the trade not happened.

In season 7, Taylor gained a half star in batting from the Enhanced Party Time decree. Taylor was then rerolled to 1 star by the Paracuasal Event blessing, and then finally regained the extra half-star due to the Pretty Plz? blessing.

In the Season 8 elections, Taylor was traded to the Hawai'i Fridays for Aldon Cashmoney by the Blind Date blessing.

During the Season 9 election, Taylor received the Siphon modification due to the passing of the Forecast: Blooddrain decree.

Player History


The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

As an imp summoned using demonic magick by the 13th Order of Bloodstone Warlocks, Taylor is considered a native resident of Hades. Although most imps are conjured to perform some menial labor, Taylor proved to be overly capable as a janitor/hoplite and was instead used as a covert agent by the order, capable of breaking into military installations, noble manors, and corporate headquarters while carrying multiple unwieldy pole weapons.

Following the demise of the 13th Order of Bloodstone Warlocks, Taylor was unbound by all fel pacts and able to live and roam freely. They eventually left the underworld to roam Eastern Canada and Europe before reaching the Philly metro region.

Conjured henchmen by nature, imps are known to be impressionable creatures, and Taylor took on numerous jobs during this wandering time. Taylor was approached by Sam Hinkie outside of The Oven three hours before the first match of Season 1 when Hinkie realized the Pies never signed a Third Baseman. Taylor accepted the position despite never watching a Blaseball game. To this day, Taylor rejects any splorts representation or sponsorships, calling them "capitalist distractions".

World Tour

During Season 7, Taylor declared themselves mentor to Richmond Harrison. Taylor taught Harrison everything he knew about Blaseball, which unfortunately wasn't much. During the offseason, Taylor and Harrison then decided to mount a series of expeditions around the world to visit the home cities of other teams and find Blaseball wisdom. It was at their last stop, the infinite Los Angeli, where the pair managed to lose their way in spacetime and encounter their future selves in a paracausal event.

Taylor was disappointed to find that their future self wasn't actually any better at Blaseball at all, and couldn't teach them anything they didn't already know.

Polearm Incidents

Spears Taylor was at one time rated the second most anticapitalistic (warning: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE) player in the league due to a history of throwing literal spears at capitalists. Taylor is perhaps best known for the incident where they threw a partizan at Bees Kneesos, or the time they made the news for clipping Eli Rank with a halberd. They love to steal... those bases!

Taylor has always had an obsession with equipment management, as players typically share equipment harmoniously without an expectation of ownership. Tigers manager Fearful Symmetry has been wary about appointing Taylor to this volunteer role, since they keep whittling bats into stakes and inserting iron tips into the balls.

Taylor has a lifetime ban from the underworld ride-sharing service Lyfe due to several incidents resulting in pierced upholstery. Since Taylor lives in the Sixth Circle Stadium Equipment Manager's Office and has the Hades Public Bus Route committed to memory, the lifetime ban has had no impact on their life (although they have compensated the drivers for the interior damage after Lyfe refused to).

Footage from Season 3, Day 98. Art by Onjit.

Peanut Vengeance and Feedback

On day 98 of Season 3, Taylor attempted to throw a spear into the heavens in order to bring down the Blaseball Gods themselves. Shortly after this rebellious act, they swallowed a stray peanut and had an allergic reaction. These events are assuredly a coincidence, as is their later banishment to the underworld via feedback.

Since the allergic reaction, Taylor has been prone to shrinking and growing unexpectedly, diminishing their ability to hit and run to bases. However, the new condition has not affected their prowess at throwing spears while playing defensively.

Since feedback-ing from the Pies to the Tigers, Taylor has been provided with, according to onlookers, "just an unreasonable number of pikes, glaives, lances [...] A big pile of loose pole-based weapons." When asked to comment on why, Fearful Symmetry said, "We actually had those lying around already. We've been trying to get rid of them for ages."

When approached by the media, Spears has refused any glory or attention connected to this title, stating such excuses as "I had strep throat during the awards ceremony for Season 1, so I never actually received that award".

Singing Voice

Spears Taylor's origins are shrouded in mystery. However, many claim that they follow a similar fate as fellow Pies player Kennedy Cena, being an amalgamation of both Taylor Swift and Britney Spears. Since joining the Tigers, Hades fans have also begun to speculate that they may be a siren instead. Neither of these theories have been confirmed, but eyewitness karaoke reports testify to the beauty and horror of their singing.

Fan Art