Yusef Fenestrate/IF-89.328

Rumor / Community Lore
This article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community. It is just one of many Rumors that we've found in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill. You can find more Rumors about Yusef Fenestrate at their Rumor Registry.

Rumors

Near the beginning of Fenestrate’s ILB career, rumors began circulating that Fenestrate has a window where their face should be. These rumors are completely untrue, and anyone who spreads them is a malicious liar. It just happens to be that their face looks remarkably like a window from certain angles; when you closely inspect Fenestrate, you can easily make out features of a normal human’s face, such as two average eyes and one unremarkable mouth. There is no window there. Do not attempt to look into the window.

Along with these rumors came questions, such as “how do they eat?”, and “how can they talk?”. The answer is obvious when you disregard these evil lies; in both cases, they use their normal, human mouth that is not a glass pane. It can be difficult to see mouth movement due to the way they speak and the fact that they don’t eat around others. The popular theory that they eat by opening the window and inserting food is completely nonsensical. If they even had a window on their face, the ILB would’ve specifically instructed them to keep the window shut at all times. Hypothetically, of course. Do not attempt to look into the window.

Occasionally, overly curious fans who fall for these unfounded claims feel the need to get close to Fenestrate in order to look into the window that isn’t on their face. Each of these people have claimed to be motivated by “a silent voice within them” to peer into the fallacious glass. Anyone who attempts to look into the window is immediately detained and interrogated by special bodyguards assigned to Fenestrate by ILB officials. These bodyguards are for everyone’s safety. Do not attempt to look into the window.

If you feel yourself beginning to believe that Fenestrate has a window where their face should be, please listen to reason and ignore these incorrect ideas until they go away. If you can’t rid yourself of these malicious thoughts, or worse, you begin to feel the urge to look into the window, please report yourself to an ILB official for emergency re-education. This is for your own good.

Do not attempt to look into the window.

Just listen to them talk about jigsaw puzzles or something.