Sutton Dreamy/IF-67.48

History

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Sutton has been voted "Sexiest Blaseball Player" more years than any other player in the league. Crabs fans can often be seen sporting her uniform in support of her excellence, which consists of a tank top made of ripped fishnet to represent Crab freedom and also looking sexy.

It has been theorized that Dreamy is a two dimensional being who dreamed so hard of the third dimension she reached it. When asked about this in interviews, Dreamy responds only with a laugh described by Sporbs Inundated as "impossibly alluring."

When pressed on her relaxed attitude to the game, Dreamy has said "I haven't had a chance to stretch my legs in years. Get off my damn back. How on earth do you expect me to get a breather while being pelted by balls? I hate this damn game."

Dreamy has never been seen dressed in anything other than their Crabs uniform, and it is unlikely that she can take it off. Fortunately this does not violate the lax dress code of the Hawai'i Fridays (though it has caused some confusion since the Crabs' return).

Birth and Early Life

Dreamy was reportedly brought into being by teammate Combs Duende, when Duende was asked during a team-building exercise to draw "the perfect Blaseball player". Dreamy emerged from the page fully formed like a Blaseball-bat-wielding Athena, and was recruited for the Crabs immediately.

Since Sutton emerged onto the blaseball scene, she began sweeping township and regional beauty pageants across the eastern seaboard year after year, despite never applying for nor showing up to any events. When asked in interview, she expressed outward agitation at the constant stream of unwanted trophies being shipped to her home, and has said she has to actively forfeit state and national competitions "to stop this from spreading any farther."

Night Mode

Following the elections of Season 6, Sutton Dreamy was granted the Night Vision Goggles. Though reluctant to wield them at first due to their lack of aesthetic sensibilities, aid from Parker Parra both helped redecorate it and ascertain its unique functionalities, spotted thanks to both Parker and Sutton's own dimensional sensibilities.

Sutton Dreamy's Night Vision Goggles run on an antisolar battery tied to the light waves emitted by Solar Eclipse events, granting standard night vision and immunity to the eye-scorching rays of the eclipsed sun. Additionally, they also have functionality for peering into and granting interface with multiple parallel dimensions - while currently too unpredictable to reliably interact with specific alternate universes, these capabilities have granted Sutton a greater understanding of the splort and highly heightened performance under eclipse.

Multiple tabloids have already publicized at great length Sutton's new batting technique, in which she knocks the ball at a precise strength and direction that allow the goggles to tear the blaseball into an alternate reality. This has been declared both a home run and a foul ball at different occasions, though the reason for these differing opinions on the behalf of the umpires has yet to be discovered.