Stephens Lightner

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Revision as of 02:34, 11 January 2022 by KCToxic (talk | contribs) (Fixed IRM spacing)

Stephens Lightner is a player in the Shadows for the Hades Tigers, and has been with the team since Season 23, Day 44. Lightner has played for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands.

Official League Records

Lightner joined the ILB as a lineup player for the Breckenridge Jazz Hands with the Return of Blaseball.

Lightner hit a 3-run home run in Season 2, Day 78 in a game against the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

In Season 5, Day 106, during a 23 inning playoff game against the Canada Moist Talkers, Lightner had 9 plate appearances, all strikeouts. SIBR has deemed this accomplishment a "Triple Golden Sombrero", a.k.a. "the 9-gallon bloodhat".

During the Season 14 elections, Lightner retreated to the Breckenridge Jazz Hands' Shadows in exchange for Bauer Zimmerman as a result of the Jazz Hands' Foreshadow will.

On Season 23, Day 44, The Ampitheater Thieves' Guild stole Lightner from the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and gave them to the Hades Tigers.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

The Jazz Hands often refer to Lightner as Stephens "The Collective" Lightner. Not a single Stephen but rather an eclectic heap of Stephens, these multiple entities share not just a name but also the exact same location in space and time, even across dimensions. This is often understood by unidimensional observers as Lightner "flickering" between different individual Stephens. Incomprehensible to the mortal mind, this state of being has been described by Lightner as "nifty." The Lightner Project was established to investigate when and how this occurred. Preliminary results indicate the superposition took place prior to Lightner's career as a Race Carl driver.

After a decades long career as an undefeated Race Carl driver, Lightner left racing to pursue glory in the greatest game of all—Blaseball. Despite their age, Lightner quickly found a spot in the Jazz Hands' lineup, and have been a core part of the team for over █████ years.

Lightner is known for their unusual bat, which is made from the drive shaft of the Carl they drove to a legendary victory in the Daytona 42069. When asked why they were allowed to use such an unusual bat, The Commissioner did not provide any comment, because they were too busy Doing a Great Job.

When asked in an interview about how they navigate identity labels, Lightner replied, "I don't, don't try it either, next question."

Relationships

Many of the individual Stephens that make up Lightner's existence maintained relationships of varying sorts. After becoming Lightner, however, these relationships underwent various transformations, assuming they persisted; with effort, an individual Stephen can stabilize Lightner long enough to "pilot" a social interaction, but the effort involved is immense. As a result, Lightner expects any potential friend or partner to build a relationship of some sort with all of their constituent Stephens at once, as opposed to consistently interacting only with one Stephen.

Stephens, Colorado

After entering the Jazz Hands' Shadows, Lightner discovered that the instability of the Pit caused all of the different Stephens to spread out and no longer be restricted to the same physical location. This effect ceases when Lightner leaves the Pit. Free to explore the Pit in a large group, the different Stephens that compose Lightner founded a city named Stephens, Colorado within the Pit's expanse. Every citizen of Stephens, Colorado is a different Stephen from within the collective Lightner.


The Lightner Project

The Lightner Project has approximately identified some of the Stephens that make up Lightner across the dimensions. However, the instability of Lightner makes the below report highly unstable. This time, the Interdimensional Rumor Mill reveals a Stephen from IF-29.165 out of its Stephen Registry...

Stephen Halloway

Stephen Halloway was the lead back-up dancer for the Colorado Springs Mid-Town Opera. The mayor of Colorado Springs in IF-29.165 once remarked of his figure, "That Stephen, he can really shake it on stage. His support during 'La donna è mobile' really stole the show, while also keeping the attention entirely on the Duke of Mantua."

Halloway is survived by his loving husband, Mark Halloway, and their two cats.

Fan Works