PolkaDot Patterson

PolkaDot Patterson
Basic Information
Team	Canada Moist Talkers
Former Team(s)	Kansas City Breath Mints, Baltimore Crabs, Core Mechanics, Canada Moist Talkers, Dallas Steaks
Status	Incinerated
Batting	(4.3)
Pitching	(1.5)
Defense	(1.9)
Running	(2.9)
Modifications	AlternateThis Player is an Alternate... Player is replaced with an alternate reality version, stats are randomized.  CarefulThis Player's Items will not be damaged by standard game actions.  Squiddish  Flippers
Items	Bat ● Plant-Based Sunglasses ●●
Dates Active	Jul 20, 2020 – present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Evolution	Base 1
Peanut Allergy	Not Allergic
Pregame Ritual	Powerlifting
Coffee Style	Heavy Foam
Blood Type	AAA
Fate	67
Biographical Details
Pronouns	They/Them
Species	Human (presumed)

PolkaDot Patterson is a pitcher for the Core Mechanics, and has been with the team since the Season 16 elections. Patterson has previously played for the Kansas City Breath Mints, Baltimore Crabs, Core Mechanics, Canada Moist Talkers, and the Dallas Steaks.

Official League Records

Season 1

Patterson received the Season 1 blessing Max Out Pitcher. This raised Patterson's pitching attribute rating to and gave them 87 fingers (warning: FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE link). They were then traded to the Baltimore Crabs as a result of the Steal Best Pitcher blessing.

Season 2

Patterson was the pitcher for the Crabs during the longest game in Internet League Blaseball history by innings played at the time, a 20-inning game between the Crabs and Breckenridge Jazz Hands on Season 2, Day 52. Patterson and the Crabs won the game 8-6.

Patterson was traded to the Canada Moist Talkers for Oliver Notarobot during the Season 2 elections as a result of the Defection blessing.

Season 5

Patterson pitched an immaculate inning on Day 46 in Season 5 in a game against the Mexico City Wild Wings.

Patterson and August Sky pitched for their respective teams in a 23 inning game 3 matchup of the Season 5 playoffs, which saw the score of 2-2 hold until the Moist Talkers broke through in the top of the 23rd. During the game, both Dot and Sky each pitched at least 18 consecutive scoreless innings, and Dot recorded a second career immaculate inning in the bottom of the 15th.

Dot has since gone on to pitch nine immaculate innings through the end of Season 5, including twice having two in a single game (Season 5, Day 61 and Season 5, Day 91). Only two other pitchers in history have more than one.

Season 7

Following the end of the regular games in Season 7, Patterson received the Shelled modification, which encased them in a giant peanut shell. They cannot play in this state, effectively skipping them in the rotation.

Season 9

Following the end of the regular games in Season 9, The Monitor attempted to eat Patterson. They did not succeed; however, Patterson was taken out of their shell and given the Squiddish modification.

Season 10

At the conclusion of Season 10, Patterson recorded what is currently the lowest single-season ERA in ILB history, with 1.663.

Coffee Cup

During the Coffee Cup, Patterson played for Heavy FC as a pitcher.

Season 12

During the Season 12 elections, Patterson recieved the Flippers Modification due to the Trust will. Patterson was also traded to the Core Mechanics due to the Plunder will.

Season 13

During the Season 13 elections, Patterson was traded back to the Canada Moist Talkers in exchange for Shirai McElroy via the Moist Talkers' Plunder will.

Season 15

During the Season 15 elections, Patterson was traded to the Dallas Steaks in exchange for Sixpack Dogwalker via the Steaks' Plunder will.

Season 16

During the Season 16 elections, Patterson's star ratings were completely randomized by the Steaks' Alternate Trust will, resulting in a star change of 14.1 → 8.9 and additionally granting the Careful modification. Patterson was then traded to the Core Mechanics in exchange for Zoey Kirchner via the Mechanics' Plunder will.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

History

Time with the Baltimore Crabs

After receiving the "Max Out Pitcher" blessing and subsequent trade to the Crabs, Patterson was regarded as a Messianic figure by the team. Just one season later, Patterson was switched, to the dismay of many, with the Moist Talkers' Oliver Notarobot.

Time with the Canada Moist Talkers

When traded to the Moist Talkers, Patterson said in their debut press conference:

"My whole life, I have been cursed with chronic dry mouth. This morning I can proudly say that I woke up with a very, very moist mouth. I am excited for the opportunity to bring a championship to the Moist Talkers and their fans."

Moist Talkers Pitcher and master of the Spitball Jenkins Good, who was also at the press conference, stated that it was great to have them on the team.

"I think that PolkaDot and I will have great phlemistry, and I look forward to helping them master the Spitball technique."

Despite the large amount of fanfare surrounding their incorporation into the Moist Talkers, Patterson's first couple seasons were characterized by a somewhat distant attitude towards their fellow players and an intense focus on their performance on the mound. Patterson declined to participate in many team morale building activities including: expeditions into the Underarena, The Moist Talkers weekly movie night, and even Richmonds Chill Zone Bean Bag Nap Corner. In an interview with the Halifax Gazette during Season 4, Jesús Koch stated "Look, for some people... other than me of course, PDP is pretty intimidating. It's not like they're rude or anything but if you’d seen what they can do with a Blaseball up close you’d keep your distance too."

In recent seasons Patterson has begun to show more interest in their teammates including now ex-Moist Talker and partially retired Ortiz Morse. During the seasons before Patterson's shelling the two shared a mutually supportive, and occasionally flippant, relationship in regards to their pitching styles, with Morse's philosophy that "walks are better than home runs" constantly confounding Patterson.

Upon Patterson's shelling in season 7 Morse took on the role of interpreter for Patterson, using his knowledge of Morse code to help Patterson communicate with the rest of the team by tapping on Patterson's shell in morse code. For Patterson this was the only means by which they were kept in the loop regarding current events. Upon Morse's feedback on day  Season 9, Day 53, the Moist Talkers began taking turns communicating with Patterson despite their described "loose" knowledge of morse code.

Un-Shelling

After the events of the Cosmic Meta-Material Neutralization Unshelling Event (C.M.M.N.U.E) at the end of the 9th season, Patterson was freed from their Peanut Shell by the Monitor. Having little idea what was occurring due to a breakdown of communication Patterson was surprised to be greeted with a pre-prepared Welcome Back party organized by an exasperated Mooney Doctor. Ziwa Mueller was quoted as saying "it was essentially a 50/50 shot but we figured aiming for a party instead of a funeral would be less morbid."

Post-Shelling

Since their unshelling Patterson has taken on stewardship of Beasley Gloom, apparently as a favor to Workman Gloom, whose relationship with Patterson is still unclear. Additionally, in an interview with one of the many Seattle podcast networks, Ortiz Morse claims that he received a postcard from Patterson congratulating him for pitching a no hitter on Day 38 of Season 8, after Patterson was unshelled.  Currently, Patterson has returned to their pitching career in good spirits and now regularly joins their fellow Moist Talkers for wet lunches in the Gleek Arena's cafeteria. In fact, in an interview with Halifax's premiere Blaseball magazine, Blasian Fields Quarterly, Patterson was asked who on the team they'd like to take to dinner. Patterson responded, "McBlase and I have had lunch a couple times, so probably them." Eyewitnesses to these lunch dates have claimed that throughout the course of the entire meal neither of the two spoke to each other but that they both seemed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

Appearance and Personal Life

PolkaDot Patterson... How do you even begin to explain PolkaDot Patterson? PolkaDot Patterson is flawless. They have two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus. Their hair is insured for $10,000. I hear they do car commercials in Japan. Their favorite movie is Varsity Blues. One time, they met John Stamos on a plane and he told them they were pretty.

Upon obtaining 87 fingers, Patterson developed the ability to apply four-dimensional spin to the ball.

Miscellaneous

Patterson's Regular Edition Discipline Era Photo Card (fig.2) has seen significant degradation due to Patterson's signature emanations. Patterson's Special Edition Discipline Era Photo Card (fig.3) has been reconstructed from photographer descriptions. The photographer has seen significant degradation due to Patterson's signature emanations.

In Literature

The Baltimore Crabs Poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following about Patterson:

Born of prophecy, was the great Patterson
Who strode from Kansas City to Crabs’ locker room
There, carried the team like an army of one
And rose up the Crabs from a deep muddy gloom
Beneath the blotted outline of the cold dark sun.
The fans, huddled together, fearing the state
Of discipline that that the Gods had proclaimed,
Basked as Polkadot pitched—this Blaseball great—
And then, Patterson snatched by the Gods, they cried:
In the name of Mother Crab, we shall not be shamed,
And against the Blaseball Gods we turn our spite!
Patterson does not remain, but in their stead
Still burns the spark that will one day set right
The heedless rogue umpires whose whims we dread
And shall bring all teams against the Gods to fight.

Nicknames

• Saint Patterson
• The Dot
• PeePee
• P O L K A D O T
• Mound guardian, guardian of the mound
• The arm(s) that won't quit
• p̗̹͕̰̤̭͇͐͛̿̅̔͊̄̀̚͟ͅŏ̶̧̼̹͉͙̟̀̊̌̿̑͘l̶̙̰͙̜̫͖͕̮̜͚͂̓̂͛͊̚k̸̤͓̘̦̙͓͈̮̖͂̆̂̑͛̽͆́͘̚͢a̸̧͎͉̬̻͗̓̅̅̐̀͌̿͜͡͞ḅ̷̨̬̹̼͑̆͂̿͂̏͊̂͌ȩ̴͙͓̩͈̤̳̰̈͌́͆́̓̚ả̵̛̲̖͇̹͉̊̐̍͛͆͒͡s̸̳̻̱͕̘̻̦̬̔͌̊̏̃̈͝͞t̡̧̪̝͓̟͓̙͊̇̂̅͐̕͟͜3̧̝̰͓̗̗̊́̐̿͂̏́͘̕͡0̩̲̗̺̥̰̯̊̂̈̿̚0̵̥͎͓͓͓̭̯̼̞͖̿̀̇̂̈́̓͗͛̀̚0̨̢̛̪̱̺͎͑̃͋̊̈̚͟

Gallery

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  Season 12 Player card by Spiral_Joe

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  PolkaDot Patterson by @jeremyxho

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  Season 10 Card by me

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  by @Slagstorm and l. coeruleus from the Discord

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  by @mikeharron

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  mechanics-era polkadot, by @kayleerowena

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  Bootleg Season 3 card

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  by @Beepdabies

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  Season 2 card, Regular Edition, by @Slagstorm

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  Season 2 card, All-Star Edition, by @Slagstorm

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  Season 2 card, Regular Edition Photo, by l. coeruleus

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  Season 2 card, Special Edition Photo, by l. coeruleus

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  Season 1 card (damaged), by l. coeruleus

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  by @PhiOzoa

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