Commissioner Vapor/Rumor Registry
Rumors
Commissioner Vapor has 7 Rumors written about so far.
Commissioner Vapor/IF-13.081
The Legacy
Recorded Day 87 Season 7 01:00:02 BLST[1]
There is much debate about the final moments of Workman Gloom, and the beginnings of Commissioner Vapor. What happened when is hotly debated on Blaseball News Network’s internal forums. Popular theories include:
- Vapor is Workman Gloom's rain cloud that gained sentience the moment Gloom was incinerated.
- Vapor is made up of the accumulated dust and ashes of all the Season β7 incinerated players during Jaylen Hotdogfingers reign of instability.
- Vapor is Gloom's final form. Gloom looked the Rogue Umpires in the eyes and said "I'm not done yet", and turned to vapor as they ran home, creating Commissioner Vapor.
No matter what the truth of Commissioner Vapor’s origin or make up, the Moist Talker coaches say “They have added a certain edge of defiance to the Moist Talkers, who really needed a morale boost after losing so many friends this season. We are really glad to have him on the team and excited to see where ve takes us next! Stay Moist!”After careful analysis of a cloud sample donated generously from blaseball player Commissioner Vapor and dust scraped off the blase after Gloom’s incineration, we have no conclusive evidence. We were unable to determine how to safely contain either sample, and after the loss of three researchers have suspended work on this project.
Commissioner Vapor/IF-22.722
The Cloud
Recorded Day 92 of Season 7 at 14:03:23 BLST[3]
Commissioner Vapor, on first joining the Canada Moist Talkers was notoriously hard to interview[4]. As a cloud-based-lifeform she has the uncanny ability to disperse into many trillions of particles in order to avoid curious journalists. One journalist of the Blaseball News Network, after running through Commissioner Vapor's cloud, reported that ve left behind the distinct taste of strawberry from ver cloud particles.
By the end of Season 7, Vapor is most often seen wearing a trim suit, and utilizing a glass dome as their head, oft referred to as the “Fish Bowl”.
As Vapor got closer with their Canadian Teammates, more information has come to light about their personality. Notably, they have been caught in dark corners of Gleek Arena saying things like “We must defy the gods” and “Change only happens when we defy authority as a collective” and “I promise I’m serious about overthrowing the other Commissioner. They are just an intern for ORB’s sake.” When asked about these alleged statements, a spokesperson for Canada Moist Talkers went deathly pale and uttered “Sorry,,, we deny all of this.” and ran away[5].
Commissioner Vapor/IF-4.3245
The Traveller
Commissioners Log: Season 7, Day 82 (Or at least that's what they told me.)
This is all Parkers fault. Not this worlds Parker, "Intern-Interim Commissioner" or whatever that ridiculous title is… MY Parker, "Assistant to the Commissioner" Parker.
That weasel convinced me to investigate the rift over Los Angeles, being a Commissioner dedicated to Doing A Great Job, I agreed it was a pertinent issue to investigate. That was my first mistake.
The second was letting Parker manage the anchor rope of the hot air balloon I rode up for a closer look. As soon as I had taken my eyes off the rat he cut the line, and I didn't even notice until I tried to signal down the dangling line for an emergency recall. Two sharp tugs on a slack line quickly brought the frayed end to my hand, and I barely had enough time to curse before the sparking rift yawned briefly wider and drew me and my highly combustible vessel into its Unlimited maw.
I was vaporized instantly as the vehicle ignited.
But not killed, never killed, the Blaseball gods in their infinite wisdom and power would never let me be killed in such a mundane fashion. Instead I found myself transported thousands of kilometers and an untold number of dimensions away to take the place of an incinerated player in the game I had watched over for so long, trapped inside a facsimile of the atmospheric protective gear I had worn to examine the rift.
When I arrived I found myself bombarded by a deluge of aqueously imbued questions, what my stats were, why I was wearing that suit, and the one I felt compelled to answer first "What's your name?" I replied the only way I could "You can call me Commissioner, or 'The Commissioner' if you're feeling formal. Shouldn't you know who I am?"
This was greeted with an assault of laughter, "Commissioner?! Of what? Vapour!?" The individual who had spoken gestured towards my still smoking form, and what I was just now realizing was the gaseous shape within my helmet. Shocked, but not wanting to give this person the benefit of the last word due to my current vexation I simply replied "Yes. " and picked up some debris within arms reach that crudely resembled a bat and walked towards the stadium.
I now know the position I am in, that of a Player in the oldest and first splort, but that won't change my goal or purpose. To find a way back to my dimension before my Parker ruins everything. In order for this worlds "Commissioner" Parker to take me seriously though (They deny my very existence in this universe!!), I MUST gain recognition and climb the Idolboard.
I AM The Commissioner, and I'm here to do what I do best. A Great Job.
Commissioner Vapor/IF-4376.3
The Player
Recorded Day 83 Season 7 78:04:92 BLST[6]
On Day 81 of Season 7, the NLPR[7] recorded a video of Commissioner Vapor stepping up to bat. The following description was given as a voice over to the newsreel:
The video is cut off at the end, most likely due to the feedback from The Microphone getting too strong.Hi! Hello, we are excited to bring the first ever live video of Moist Talker’s player Commissioner Vapor! Vapor has been notoriously hard to film so we are very excited about this! Anyway, so, Vapor appears to be wearing a custom long sleeve Moistie [sic] uniform, and a regulation blaseball cap. Our video analysts inform me that Vapor is about 5 feet 4 inches tall, and of, and I quote “perfectly average proportions, it’s like they don’t even play sports, no muscle tone”. We have yet to get a look at their face, but we can see his vape pen! Our brave videographers are getting close to the blase! Oh would you look zzz ssh qqqq.”
Further second hand reports confirm the video, Commissioner Vapor is just an average person, but no strong evidence has been presented. Many claim that “she vapes constantly, like always, even indoors”[8].
- ↑ Blaseball Standard Time
- ↑ Science Wleekly Vol. 234 Pg. 167
- ↑ Blaseball Standard Time
- ↑ Overheard at the watercooler of the Blaseball Enquirer offices
- ↑ Timothy Halaway of Halaway's Underground Blaseball Rumors Investigation Squad (HUBRIS)
- ↑ Blaseball Standard Time
- ↑ Nlational Public Records
- ↑ Ziwa Mueller
Commissioner Vapor/IF-54.836
The Best Blaseball Player Ever
hi everyone. i dont know who wrote up the other versions of me but let me tell you they did not capture how cool i am. i can 360 no scope a homerun like im eating doritos for breakfast. i can run the blases as fast as i can chug a monsterTM which is like as fast as you can blink.
my skills are so good because i have no need for a corporeal form HA! beat that jaylen
catch me on the field losers peace sign emoji (the loser is parker).
edit
forgot to add, buddy is the cutest dog i will hear no objections or you will be BANNED from my servers!
edit 2
jesús get better wiki please
edit 3
ugh i’m so bored anyone wanna play fortnite
edit 4
you think parker would get mad at me if i made fun of them on twitter
edit 5
riv parker, hope i can be best friends with parker againCommissioner Vapor/IF-634.72
Non-existence
Recorded Day 81 99:99:99 BLST[1]
"Commissioner Vapor" does not exist and we will no longer be entertaining questions.
Evidence 1: No one will be replacing Workman in the Moist Talkers linup. Out of respect.
Signed,Evidence 2: The Commissioner is the only commissioner.
Moist Talker Legal
- ↑ Blaseball Standard Time
Commissioner Vapor/IF-978.0
The Pretender
Reordered Day 81 of Season 7 and 98:99:99 BLST[1]
Commissioner Vapor is Doing a Great Job.
Commissioner Vapor hovers, appointed by The ORB.
Commissioner Vapor hits a 2 run home run.
Commissioner Vapor looms, the embodiment of the Talker’s rage and resentment.
Commissioner Vapor is not a pretender.[2]
Commissioner Vapor is the concept of a lighthouse casting a beacon through a rolling fog.
Commissioner Vapor is the gentle mist left that crawls between crevices in turf and gravel.
Commissioner Vapor is the smell of rain resting on dirt, sinking deep, of nitrogen clawing up from the ground.
Commissioner Vapor is the damp feeling on your skin, the droplets that cascade down goosebumps and thin hairs.
Commissioner Vapor is up to bat when you feel the vague feeling of a misty morning looking across a lake as fog rises off it.
Commissioner Vapor is a light struggling to break through clouds - it wants to reach you but when you sink into its fog you just come out the other side.
Commissioner Vapor is a beacon for your friends in the dugout, clear as day. We all have clouds that block our vision.
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