Broken Ridge Jazz Hands/History

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The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

The Broken Ridge Jazz Hands are an Internet League Blaseball team from Breckenridge, Colorado. The Jazz Hands have been part of the ILB since the Return of Blaseball and have experienced many ups and downs, only some of which were especially tragic.

Overview

The Pocket

The Broken Ridge Jazz Hands home stadium is the The Pocket, formerly just the local community theatre. Due to a malfunction of snow machines during a Jazz stage adaptation of It's a Wonderful Life!, it is always snowing in The Pocket regardless of the actual weather outside. It is rumored that completing the original performance will stop the snow, but no actors have been succesful at evading the Snow Corps and finishing the performance.

The Pit

The Jazz Hands' stadium sits above the Pit, a bottomless, non-Euclidean pit rumored to be sapient. While the Pit is largely unexplored below a certain point and is hazardous to explore without proper attunement, it provides endless utility to the Jazz Hands as the home of the Shadows and a source of infinite equipment storage. The Pit is connected to the former orchestra pit, in which players in the Shadows who have never seen play perform music during games, such as the Seventh Inning Solo, instrumental beats during home runs, and other musical accompaniment. Shadows that have seen play work various facilities in The Pocket and the Pit and are known as Stagehands.

Instrument Skills

Many of the Jazz Hands play at least one musical instrument. Instruments were originally chosen through a mysterious process referred to by such names as "The Instrument Selection Ceremony," "The Choosing," or "That One Thing with the Bolter, You Know, that Thing a Lot of Us Did when We Joined." Though the process itself was no secret, the fact it was facilitated by Agan Harrison meant that few remembered any details. Recordings of Harrison explaining the process turn to static, further obscuring the procedure despite vague memories of ███ willingness to explain. What was known is that players joined Harrison at Bolter's instrument collection outside of town, which contains a version of every known instrument, and more than a few unknown instruments. When they returned to Breckenridge, they had an instrument and were capable of playing at least the fundamentals.

During the time of the original instrument selection process, players and fans who wished to improve their musical ability in a formal setting were able to attend a local music school with no name. Few report any memories of their time in class, but all who attended noticeably improved their playing as a result.

After the departure of Agan Harrison to the Chicago Firefighters, the original selection process was replaced by a process in which new players jam with their new teammates at the Bolter's instrument collection until they find an instrument that suits them. With this new process also came the tradition of fleecing new players for a non-existent instrument fee, though not all Jazz Hands players support this tradition.

The Discipline Era

Jazzbeams Double Incinerations

Early in Season β3, the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and Hellmouth Sunbeams would share a league first when Jazz Hands player Ogden Mendoza and Sunbeams player Velasquez Meadows were Incinerated on Day 23. This event was the first instance of multiple players being Incinerated in the same game.

This event was considered a one-off until Jazz Hands player Combs Estes and Sunbeams player Sutton Bishop were incinerated together on Day 98 of Season β13, the 10th anniversary season of the first double incineration between the Jazz Hands and Sunbeams.

Considered a curse by both teams, shared Solar Eclipse games became something for both to dread until the next anniversary season, Season β23, ended in no shared deaths between the teams.

Moist Talkers Rivalry

The team is in an official rivalry with the Canada Moist Talkers ever since Season β2, when the Jazz Hands and Moist Talkers ended the season with a tied win-loss ratio. The contract to make the rivalry official was signed by █████ representing Breckenridge and ████████ representing Canada. Neither has been seen since.

In their rivalry, the Jazz Hands invoked a curse upon the Moist Talkers, declaring that they shall suffer "The Dry Silence." What exactly the Dry Silence is, how it would affect the Moist Talkers, or if it has already taken place, is unclear.

In a series of threads after the Season β5 Elections, the Moist Talkers and the Jazz Hands negotiated, instated, and announced a new contract of rivalry. While the previous terms demanded vitriol between the teams, the current contract only demands vitriol during direct match-ups. The rest of the time, the teams are obligated to interact as friendly rivals, and players are permitted to be friends.

Open Mic Night

From the Season β5 Elections through the Season β6 Elections, the Jazz Hands opened its roster in an effort to change up the team's sound, an event now known as the Open Mic Night. The process began with the trade of August Sky for Combs Estes, included 3 Feedback events, and ended with the return of Holden Stanton in exchange for Nagomi Mcdaniel. Fans continue to debate whether the incineration of Randall Marijuana and subsequent rise of Steph Weeks should be considered part of Open Mic Night, or a tragedy that just happened to occur during Open Mic Night. Reviews of the Open Mic Night are mixed; some point to the team's Season β6 playoffs games as evidence that it was, if not beneficial, then at least not as harmful as some suggest, while others cite the team's under-performance in the Season β7 playoffs as proof that it irrevocably harmed the team's chances of success.

The Expansion Era

The Tower

After the Jazz Hands were assigned the Arcana XVI The Tower in the Season β11 election, residents of Breckenridge noticed that there was now a tall structure in the town. Known as The Tower, this structure is visible from anywhere in the local area, regardless of viewing direction. Players on the Jazz Hands roster find themselves more aware of The Tower than normal residents do. The connection, if any, that The Tower has to tragedies that befall the team is unknown.

Marriage to the Atlantis Georgias

As of Season β21, the Breckenridge Jazz Hands and the Atlantis Georgias are married. How this even works and the legality of it is unknown, and representatives of both teams refuse to elaborate on neither the legality nor the plastic, nor what "the plastic" is.

The Thursday Blues

During Season 13, the Jazz Hands suffered a dreadful series of mishaps their fans have come to refer to as the Thursday Blues.

• Day 43 - Pitcher Combs Estes had an Allergic Reaction, reducing their combined stars from 9.7 to 5.3
• Day 64 - The Jazz Hands' Lineup and Rotation were shuffled in a devastating Reverb. Pitchers Combs Estes, Lowe Forbes, and Campos Arias were moved to the hitting lineup, and hitters Conrad Vaughan, Kathy Mathews, and Holden Stanton were moved to the pitching rotation. While Conrad Vaughan adapted well to pitching, all other players who switched were substantially worse in their new positions.
• Day 68 - Star pitcher Wyatt Pothos had an Allergic Reaction, reducing her combined stars from 17 to 12.8
• Day 72 - Hitters Elijah Valenzuela and Combs Estes has their blood drained by Knight Triumphant. Elijah's batting stars were reduced from 1.8 to 0.9, and Combs' Baserunning stars were reduced from 1.6 to 0.7
• Day 84 - Hitter Stephens Lightner had an Allergic Reaction, reducing their combined stars from 8.2 to 4.
• Day 98 - a Rogue Umpire incinerated hitter Combs Estes, who was replaced by Dervin Gorczyca.

Casting Call

During Season 18, the Jazz Hands experienced several losses, causing new talent to be brought in to round out the cast. The new cast had big shoes to fill, but ultimately became beloved by fans.

• Day 3 - A Rogue Umpire incinerated hitter Tamara Crankit, who was replaced by Zippy DeShields.
• Day 6 - Jazz Hands pitcher Howell Rocha was swapped for Miami Dale pitcher Riley Firewall due to Feedback.
• Day 54 - A Rogue Umpire incinerated hitter Bauer Zimmerman, who was replaced by Lancelot Kane.

Curtain Call

From Season β22 to the end of Season β23, the Jazz Hands saw the departure of several original players from the roster, and sent them on their way to new ventures and opportunities after many seasons in Breckenridge. Departures began in Season 22, when Kathy Mathews picked up The Fifth Base, and ultimately ended up with the Seattle Garages. Over the course of Season 23, several players departed via the Phantom Thieves Guild. Campos Arias and Lowe Forbes would ultimately pitch for the Boston Flowers and Stephens Lightner would enter the Shadows of the Hades Tigers. Season 23 was rounded out with the swap of Walton Sports with Hades Tigers player Siobhan Chark due to Feedback. This mass departure of beloved original players became known by fans as the Curtain Call, a final bow before the involved players moved on to new things and a change in scenery.

Trivia

• The team slogan is most likely a reference to the song "Magic to Do" from the musical Pippin, specifically the line "we've got magic to do / just for you".