Brisket Friendo

Brisket Friendo
Brie and Brisket, Art by @MosssNot
Basic Information
Team	Seattle Garages
Former Team(s)	Kansas City Breath Mints, Baltimore Crabs, Hellmouth Sunbeams
Status	Active
Overall Rating	(2.5)
Batting	(2)
Pitching	(4.5)
Defense	(2.5)
Running	(1.5)
Vibes	(2)
Dates Active	Apr 18, 2021–present
External Links	Blaseball-Reference Player Changes Player Page
Personal Information
Evolution	Base
Peanut Allergy	Not Allergic
Pregame Ritual	Spitting
Coffee Style	Light & Sweet
Blood Type	Acidic
Fate	8
Soulscream	HEUAAHEUAAHOAEAEOAEAEO
Other Background Information
Instrument	Floor piano, Percussion, Keytar
Heliolatric Zodiac	Found Damnation

Brisket Friendo is a pitcher for the Seattle Garages, and has been with the team since the Season β17 elections. Friendo has played for the Kansas City Breath Mints, Baltimore Crabs, and Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Official League Records

Friendo joined the ILB as a lineup player in the Shadows for the Kansas City Breath Mints as the Breath Mints' Season β13 Playoff Birth.

On Season β13, Gods' Day, Friendo and Tad Seeth of the Charleston Shoe Thieves disappeared from the Blaseball website, and gained the Redacted modification. Liquid Friend and Uncle Plasma were hired by The Commissioner to take part in the Investigation into the disappearances of Seeth and Friendo.

On Season β16, Day 1, Friendo exited the Secret Base at the Chesapeake Racetrack and Ballpark, replacing Redacted with the Attractor modification. After being run home, Friendo was added to the Baltimore Crabs' bench, with stats appearing to be approximately doubled since redaction. This made Friendo the first player to rejoin a team after being redacted.

During the Season β16 elections, Friendo joined the Hellmouth Sunbeams' active roster in exchange for Alston Cerveza as a result of the Crabs' Foreshadow will.

Friendo was traded to the Seattle Garages in exchange for Howell Franklin during the Season β17 elections via the Sunbeams' Equivalent Exchange will.

During the Season β18 elections, Friendo became an Alternate, gained the Negative modification, and lost the Attractor modification via the Garages' Alternate Trust will.

During the Season β19 elections, Friendo retreated to the Garages' Shadows in exchange for Emblem Warhorse as a result of the Garages' Foreshadow will, resulting in a combined 7.6 → 8.4 stat increase.

Friendo ended the Expansion Era with 3.1 in Batting, 2.3 in Pitching, 2.3 in Baserunning, and 2.3 in Defense. Friendo had the Alternate, Unstable, and Negative modifications.

During the December 9, 2022 Fall Ball, Friendo fell back to the Seattle Garages. On Season 1, Day 1 of the Return(s), Friendo became a pitcher for the Garages.

COMMUNITY REPORTS
The remainder of this article contains lore created collaboratively by the Blaseball community.

Box of Brisket Friendo Files

Dust billows as the file box lands on the table. While many archives in the Interdimensional Rumor Mill are unified in some way, this... definitely isn’t one of them. The accompanying Rumor Registry explains all of the contents... wherever it is... but for now you grab the folder labelled IF-60.529 and start reading...

History

Rivka “Brisket Friendo” Freiman was born in Kansas City, MO to Ashkenazi Jewish parents, the responsible eldest sibling to three younger sisters. Friends and relatives testify that Brisket has been stoic since childhood, with one Freiman sister stating in an interview that he was “never a big smiler…but tells a good joke.”

Despite this serious demeanor, Brisket showed enthusiasm from an early age for two hobbies that would later become his careers - cooking and sports. He often immersed himself in cooking Jewish holiday meals for his household, his signature main course earning him the affectionate nickname of Brisket (commonly shortened to “Briskie” by friends and family). He also played blaseball recreationally in both high school and college, and was known to be quite an effective cleanup hitter when he put his mind to it.

Joining The Shadows

As the Expansion Era of Blaseball began, many teams sought new shadow players for their postseason births. Brisket, then working as a kosher butcher’s apprentice and part-time sound technician in St. Louis, signed up for his hometown team the Breath Mints on a whim. Wanting some semblance of anonymity for himself and his family, he entered the shadows under the name Brisket Friendo.

What happened next is unclear, even to Brisket himself. He and fellow shadows player Tad Seeth were famously redacted during the Season β13 election, not to be seen again until Brisket exited the Secret Base in the Crabitat on Season 16, Day 1. He was batted home by Silvaire Roadhouse, and subsequently joined the Baltimore Crabs’ shadow roster. When asked at a post-game press conference where he had been for the past two seasons, Brisket simply stared into the camera for forty-five seconds and then replied “I can’t.”

Brisket became fast friends with shadow pitcher Lorcan Smaht, who allowed him to crash on eir floor during his time in Baltimore, and with Roadhouse herself, who later admitted to reporters that she felt a certain responsibility for Friendo. Smaht and Roadhouse are rumored to keep in touch with Brisket to this day, though neither have publicly confirmed nor denied this. Smaht in particular has been photographed visiting Brisket in Seattle on several occasions, and Brisket likewise visiting to see Smaht’s band perform in Baltimore.

In The Hellmouth

Unbeknownst to Brisket, he would soon be the subject of another Election Day snafu. As he prepared to travel to Canada due to an expected trade with Alston Cerveza, he instead found himself transported to the Hellmouth. He would start Season 17 as a player on the Sunbeams’ lineup, with a performance that admittedly did not match the inflated star count his time being Redacted had left him with.

During his stay in the Hellmouth, Brisket organized several family meals for the team, and commented to reporters that he had “missed cooking for a lot of people at once.” He could also occasionally be found volunteering at the Randall Marijuana Memorial Cat Cafe, with one new kitten there rumored to be named after him upon his departure from Utah.

Life In Seattle

Brisket (alternate) hanging out with fellow former Mint Rodriguez Internet.

During the Season 17 election, Brisket was traded yet again, this time landing in Seattle. He would go on to comment during post-game interviews that it was the farthest from home he’d ever traveled, though he found himself fitting in well with the Garages, having been a rock music fan from a very young age. Despite not playing an instrument, he gamely took to the task of helping the Garages as a sound technician, and can often be found working behind the scenes at their live shows.

The next few seasons would see even more election-based change for Brisket, as he was alternated and shadowed in quick succession in Seasons 18 and 19. In interviews after the Season 18 elections, it was discovered that the alternated Brisket had been a blaseball player since the Discipline Era in his original universe, and had batted for the Breath Mints for a number of years before an unfortunate Feedback incident landed him on the Garages. His personality does not seem to have changed significantly, though teammates have described him as “somehow even more deadpan” and “maybe allergic to cherries?” since the alternation.

Trivia

• Brisket is a practicing reform Jew, and often invites teammates to celebrate Jewish holidays at his apartment.

• He has often been seen in Baltimore visiting the Crabs’ shadow roster in the off-season.

• Brisket and Malik Destiny have both professed to the media that they see each other as close friends after being next to one another on the Garages batting lineup for two seasons, and spending several days Elsewhere together in Season 19.

• Both the original and alternate Brisket dye their bangs a signature mint green color.

• The only time he has been recorded smiling on camera is after hitting a solo home run on Season 19, Day 115.

• He is a lesbian.

Fan Works

• 

  Brie and Brisket together. By @MosssNot

• 

  by @squirrel_saloli#6559

• 

  Mini-Blaseballer by @HetreaSky

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  Brie and Brisket by Cori

• 

  Brie and Brisket by Cori