Adalberto Tosser/Rumor Registry
Rumors
Adalberto Tosser has 5 Rumors written about so far.
Adalberto Tosser/IF-19.012
Adalberto Tosser is a three foot tall Mbluppet© with a unusually large arm—while a thirty-six inch long arm would be considered normal for most taller humans, a thirty-six inch long arm on a thirty-six inch tall Mbluppet© is considered an abnormality. He pitches with this arm, although he cites that “sometimes he has to get a box to pitch,” and that he also uses this box to be the same height as his husband, Brock Forbes.
There is no visible carcinization on Tosser. However, he is often seen looking longingly out at the Bay with his banjo, leading some to theorize that his carcinization is internal rather than external.
Tosser is the lead performer in hit movie “The Mbluppets© (20XX),” and is the lead singer of Top Fifty Hit “Rainbow Clawnnection.” When asked about his time on the Idol Board during Season 19, he had this to say:Due to their Mbluppet© nature, neither Tosser nor his husband wear a wedding ring in the tradition manner. Instead, they wear the rings on necklaces, and are often seen wearing matching outfits outside of games, usually “Mbluppet© sized cargo shorts” and “weird Mbluppet© dad shirts.”“Oh, I don’t really know why I’m up there. Has somebody made a recent review of ‘The Mbluppets© (20XX)’ recently or something?”
Adalberto Tosser/IF-19.013
Adalberto Tosser, also known by his stage name of Slight of Arm, is a popular Baltimore street magician (and lesser known as a pitcher for the Baltimore Crabs.) He is known for his on-the-field magic tricks, including, but not limited to: turning the opposing batter’s bat into Chleez-Its™, turning the ball he’s pitching into a small marble, stealing the Championship from the Hades Tigers, and other minor inconveniences.
Oftentimes, his forays into the tunnels are preluded by smoke, fog, glitter, or other such special effects.
Controversies
Fans have recorded video of Tosser getting into heated argument with Matteo Prestige through their hauntings of his teammate, Kennedy Loser. The subject of these arguments range from which one of them really has the world record for quickest time performing the “Metamorphosis” illusion, and which one of them has made the most people disappear during tricks.
This would normally be overlooked; however soon after Prestige’s incineration, Tosser opened up a series of failed restaurants specifically for magicians, an idea that Prestige’s teammates said that Prestige had been planning for “a long time.” It is unknown if the two events are actually correlated, and all investigations into it have been deemed pointless, as the restaurants rarely drew people in for business. The following excerpt from the Baltimore Press details this:
Slight of Arm’s New Restaurants Aren’t Looking So “Magical” After All.
Another controversy involves short-time Crabs pitcher Axel Campbell, who reported that “several times,” Tosser had approached him and his partner on the street to do magic tricks that often involved Tosser’s signature Chleez-its™ tricks, levitating Campbell onto a roof, and showing up on VHS tapes from ten years ago. While he didn’t seem too upset by it, several anonymous calls have been placed to Tosser’s husband, Brock Forbes, complaining about how “[Tosser] needs to cut it out,” and that they were “sick of orange soda.”[...] When you walk into the restaurant, it looks relatively normal. That’s this chain’s first mistake—nobody wants to be surprised by magic tricks at their dining experience, and despite the magician behind it all, nowhere on the restaurant’s doors does it say the waiter will be flicking coins out from behind your ear, or slipping cards into your napkins.
“I picked up my fork, and I basically crushed it in my hand,” one dissatisfied customer told us. “Turns out it was that bendy kind of trick cutlery? Which would be fine, right, if I wasn’t paying to be able to eat my food. I used to be a big fan of Slight of Arm’s, but I think I’m gonna have to take a break from going to any of his street shows.”
[...] With the bad reviews rolling in, and money clearly being lost, it seems that the curtains will be closing on this failed business venture soon for Slight of Arm.
Personal Life
After a divorce with Thomas Kirby before starting his career in Blaseball, Tosser got married to Brock Forbes, and has since renewed his vows twice—once after ascension, and once before his first MVP Award. His arm, unlike what his stage name implies, is normally sized. His carcinization is, according to him, “a fancy leather jacket with a Crab painted on the back that [he wears] to shows.”
His magic shows have sustained even through pitching three shifts in a row for half of a season, and he can still be seen out and about in Baltimore, even on days he’s pitching Away games. People theorize that this is part of his magic tricks, as trying to approach him on these days makes him “vanish.”
He is 6’1.Adalberto Tosser/IF-30.747
History
Tosser is beloved by countless blaseball fans but banned from almost every bar in town. His "rambunctious antics” off the field have made him something of a regular figure in the scandal pages and gossip blogs, but it is largely agreed among fans and splorts journalists that this doesn't detract from his reputation as a solid, respectable, thoroughly middling player. Tosser was born Adalberto Tossas in Pittsburg, Georgia to a Dominican-American family. He had no noticeable birth defects, however, as he grew older, his right arm began to grow at a much more rapid pace than his left. By the time he was turned 13, his arm had grown to 4 feet in length and showed no sign of stopping. Since joining the Crabs, Tosser's right arm has continued to grow at a rapid pace. However, potentially as a byproduct of his carcinization, when the forearm reaches around 7 feet in length, with a violent crack, the segment bends at the center to form an additional elbow.
Relationship with Pedro Davids
Tosser is considered by many of the crabs to be one of their most natural conversationalists, and there is no place this is more obvious that in his relationship with Pedro Davids. The two are already close thanks to their shared history in the Crab Reckoning and early years playing together on the Baltimore Crabs, but Tosser has also acted as a sounding board for Pedro as he worked towards his PHD and once commented that he can "probably recite that thesis by memory now".
The two of them are also known to have a standing annual appointment to have a venting session where the two of them complain about their under appreciation in the lineup, or the extra pitching duties they had to take on in Season 9 when Axel was shelled.
Relationship with Brock Forbes
While Tosser has gone on the record regarding his asexuality and aromantisim, there is much speculation to him and teammate Brock Forbes. The two of them have been close since they entered the public eye at the start of the ILB, and reports that they have been living together since the aftermath of the Crab Reckoning have never been denied by either of them. In fact some people have noted that in recent team photos the who of them are wearing matching wedding bands, though neither has made any sort of official announcement.
Season 9 represented a stressful time for the two of them, where Tosser was pitching at a much higher rate than his fellow players due to some scheduling issues while Axel Trololol was shelled. That stress combined with the results of the season 9 finals pushed Tosser away from his teammates, and even from Brock, but the two of them have weathered worse than that and time is a talented healer.
Since their ascension there is not much known about that is happening with the two of them, though a letter that was found under the doormat of Valentine Games read that“It’s been pretty bad for Brock. I think this takes him back to the time before he was a pitcher, and back to the reckoning. Bertie is trying his best to be there for him, but I know neither of them knows what to do with this. They just care about each other so much that sometimes I don’t think they know how to handle it when one of them is hurting and the other can’t help. They’re getting better though. Forrest mentioned something about them wanting to renew their vows, so at least that will give us something to do over the siesta.
Val do you ever think about-”
In Literature
Crabs poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Tosser:
Adalberto's arm has grown
And given him a mighty skill
That otherwise has been unknown
And each year a new milestone
As we discover it is still
The case his arm has grown
And Crab scribes say it is unknown
Is Tosser a title, from God's will
Or just a last name, all his own
His social scandal is full-blown
You’ll find him rowdy, drinking swill
And bragging of his arm that's grown
This arm delivers to the zone
And getting longer, we do thrill
It will continue 'til unknown
And I think it is clearly shown
His pitches may a player kill
We know his arm is not yet grown
And thus his future's all unknown
Adalberto Tosser/IF-30.767
History
Tosser is beloved by countless blaseball fans but banned from almost every bar in town. His "rambunctious antics” off the field have made him something of a regular figure in the scandal pages and gossip blogs, but it is largely agreed among fans and splorts journalists that this doesn't detract from his reputation as a solid, respectable, thoroughly middling player. Tosser was born Adalberto Tossas in Pittsburg, Georgia to a Dominican-American family. He had no noticeable birth defects, however, as he grew older, his right arm began to grow at a much more rapid pace than his left. By the time he was turned 13, his arm had grown to 4 feet in length and showed no sign of stopping. Since joining the Crabs, Tosser's right arm has continued to grow at a rapid pace. However, potentially as a byproduct of his carcinization, when the forearm reaches around 7 feet in length, with a violent crack, the segment bends at the center to form an additional elbow.
Relationship with Tillman Henderson
Tillman Henderson and Tosser were seen together many times when Tillman played for the Crabs. While it wasn't clear how close the two of them were, it was a well known phenomenon locally that when the two of them went out for the nigh several bars would close preemptively to try and avoid their path of destruction. However not all of their interactions ended in being kicked or banned from local establishments. It's been noted that Tosser and Tillman seem to get along remarkably well considering Tillman's reputation.
Notably Tillman has even been invited to Tosser's favorite bar; they have a subway strap installed on the roof above Tosser's favorite seat where he can loop his arm through it to rest it. While he never attended for the first ten seasons, after the Crabs ascended there are reports of Tillman being seen there heckling anyone who tries to take up that seat.
Relationship with Silvaire Roadhouse
After the untimely death of Tillman Henderson Tosser was surprised to discover a new companion for bar hopping with the Crab's newest member, Silvaire Roadhouse. It is said that the first time that they went out together Silvaire invited him out to a bar her grandfather, Silvaire Roadhouse, had recommended.
The two of them managed to be on their best behaviour for approximately 23 minutes before reports came out of "untold chaos", "Drunken revelry", and "A Matador starting a bar fight". The two of them now meet up regularly when they need to cut loose and cause trouble.
Season 9 Day X
In the aftermath of the season 9 finals, where Tosser threw a pitch that allowed Stu Trololol to hit a 3-run home run shaming the Crabs out of ascension, there was a significant amount of confusion due to other events in the ILB. However in the days that followed It became clear that something was different about Tosser. Where once his long arm was extended further by chitinous claws, it now seemed that he had lost his famous pitching arm.
While Tosser himself maintains that this is a result of the Olde One's displeasure, in reality after the death of the Olde One carcinization is tied closer to the subconscious of the person, so rather than a punishment for Her displeasure, the true source of the change is likely Tosser himself.Adalberto Tosser/IF-81.43
History
Tosser is beloved by countless blaseball fans but banned from almost every bar in town. His "rambunctious antics" off the field have made him something of a regular figure in the scandal pages and gossip blogs, but is it is largely agreed among fans and splorts journalists that this doesn't detract from his reputation as a solid, respectable, thoroughly middling player.
Early Life
Tosser was born Adalberto Tossas in Pittsburg, Georgia to a Dominican-American family. He had no noticeable birth defects, however, as he grew older, his right arm began to grow at a much more rapid pace than his left. By the time he was turned 13, his arm had grown to 4 feet in length and showed no sign of stopping. It was at this point that his junior high school art teacher encouraged him to try out for high school blaseball.
Despite maintaining a 2.84 ERA in high school, Tosser opted to pursue art, rather than blaseball, in college, attending the Maryland Institute College of Art. He was expelled within his first year for creating a piece the college's dean could only refer to as "too perfect for human eyes." Following his expulsion, Tosser was quickly drafted by the Baltimore Crabs.
Certain followers of The Olde One believe that Tosser is not Adalberto's last name but rather a title bestowed on a chosen one in each generation. According to these beliefs, previous Tosser incarnations include bird fan Edgar Allan Poe and filmmaker John Waters.
Adalberto is said to have realised their Tosser destiny when a swarm of porcelain crabs emerged from their bathroom wall, shifted in the form of a giant eye and winked at him.
Professional Career
Since joining the Crabs, Tosser's right arm has continued to grow at a rapid pace. However, potentially as a byproduct of his carcinization, when the forearm reaches around 7 feet in length, with a violent crack, the segment bends at the center to form an additional elbow. The segmented upper arms, which at this point cease to grow further, are almost constantly folded in like an accordion. Tosser has immaculate balance despite his grossly asymmetrical frame.
Tosser's right forearm is 6 feet long below the elbow, and continues to grow at a rate of approximately 2 inches per year. This arm is widely attributed for being the key to his legendary pitching success, as demonstrated in the final game of Season β2. Tosser only pitches with his right arm, preferring to throw to teammates with his left arm after what other Crabs refer to as "The Swiss Cheese Incident."
Two popular fan chants associated with Adalberto Tosser are "Tosser's gonna toss ya' / 'em / it" and "Adal-berto" followed by two claps, spaced two beats apart, and then three claps, spaced 1/4 of a beat apart.
In XX43, Tosser pioneered the "hardball", a pitch exclusive to the Crabs in which the ball is filled with a small crustacean who pilots it on its way to the batter. The ball's pilot does not count as a player, as while the rulebook specifically allows crabs to play blaseball, there's no rules against them choosing not to even while technically participating in the splort.
In Literature
Crabs poet Laureate Runolfio Peeper wrote the following poem about Tosser:
Adalberto's arm has grown
And given him a mighty skill
That otherwise has been unknown
And each year a new milestone
As we discover it is still
The case his arm has grown
And Crab scribes say it is unknown
Is Tosser a title, from God's will
Or just a last name, all his own
His social scandal is full-blown
You’ll find him rowdy, drinking swill
And bragging of his arm that's grown
This arm delivers to the zone
And getting longer, we do thrill
It will continue 'til unknown
And I think it is clearly shown
His pitches may a player kill
We know his arm is not yet grown
And thus his future's all unknown
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